There is a lesser known story in the Bible
And God said "Moses, take the children of Israel to safety and you have two options to do that, either take them through Bangalore or attempt the impossible". Moses took one look at the streets of Bangalore and decided that impossible was better so he parted the red sea.
- Exodus 41
Every time I am stuck in a traffic jam, I fervently wish for the power that Moses had. I want to waive my hand and split the traffic in two and zip through the space in between.
Since that power eludes me, I do the next best thing……curse. It gives me great satisfaction shouting obscenities at the world around with the car window rolled up, knowing that they cannot hear me. I admit it does not clear the traffic jam but I am improving my vocabulary big time...and if you have a problem with that, I don't give a hoot, you pontificating ignoramus. See..!!
Traffic jams give me an opportunity to reflect on more meaningful questions of life like "Is this radio jockey as hot as she sounds ?".
I also get a kick out of seeing that the guy in the Mercedes Benz to my left is moving at the speed of a Manmohan Singh speech just like me and his multi cylinder, gazillion horsepower, freakishly expensive car is just as good as my little excuse of a car. But I am not sure why the guy on the bicycle next to me has a wry smile on his face as he looks at me.
Of course, there are other techniques of avoiding frustration during a traffic jam but all of them involve a bazooka mounted on the bonnet.
But remember that the best way to handle a traffic jam is to enjoy it. I do that most when I am looking at one standing from the balcony of my office.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
Discovering the talent within
George Bush can now rest in peace for the weapons of mass destruction have finally been found.
And I cooked them.
Now if you can please rub that grin off your face, I can proceed to tell you that in spite of what it sounds like, I am not such a bad cook. Hmmm....on second thoughts, get the grin back on.
Ok, let me narrate why such a state came to pass. I decided to try my hand at cooking this weekend to satisfy my urge to cook something really delicious and also because the nearest restaurant was closed.
My main expertise in the area of cooking is the ability to boil water on the stove. Apparently, that is not good enough for cooking connoisseurs. No, they always want something that is tasty and subtle, they and their arbitrary standards. So I thought, this time along with boiling the water, I would add some lentils and some spices and other things that is technically referred to as ‘stuff’ into it to make ‘Rasam’. Rasam is a South Indian dish that when cooked well is absolutely delicious and goes perfectly with rice. And when cooked badly, it can be used to kill rats.
So with great enthusiasm and self delusion, I went about making ‘Rasam’. The lentils went in first, the spices next, then some salt and tamarind, some cumin, some oil and lots of stupidity. As the concoction boiled, I began to pat myself on a job well done.
Finally, when it was done, put it on my plate with some rice and gingerly placed the food in my mouth.
Ok, why don’t we take a short commercial break at this point? We will be right back…
(Insert favourite commercial here)
Now that you are back, I don’t really have to explain how it turned out. Do I ?
If cooking is an art form, then my cooking is modern art. It gets people to ask themselves complex philosophical questions like “Should I flush this down the toilet or simply hide it under the sofa when nobody is looking”.
But I had to eat. Did I mention the restaurant was closed ?. So I braved on, added some more ‘stuff’ to it to make it more edible and managed to gulp down the food. In the process I learnt that ‘As you cook, so shall you eat’ makes for a good proverb.
But the fact is I did manage to finish up what I cooked and I confess it actually did taste well as I strove along. I guess my cooking is an acquired taste akin to drinking espresso or drinking wine or......eating soap.
So if you want to try my cooking, you are always welcome to my home.
But you have to sit on the floor with the plate because I am not letting you go anywhere near the sofa
And I cooked them.
Now if you can please rub that grin off your face, I can proceed to tell you that in spite of what it sounds like, I am not such a bad cook. Hmmm....on second thoughts, get the grin back on.
Ok, let me narrate why such a state came to pass. I decided to try my hand at cooking this weekend to satisfy my urge to cook something really delicious and also because the nearest restaurant was closed.
My main expertise in the area of cooking is the ability to boil water on the stove. Apparently, that is not good enough for cooking connoisseurs. No, they always want something that is tasty and subtle, they and their arbitrary standards. So I thought, this time along with boiling the water, I would add some lentils and some spices and other things that is technically referred to as ‘stuff’ into it to make ‘Rasam’. Rasam is a South Indian dish that when cooked well is absolutely delicious and goes perfectly with rice. And when cooked badly, it can be used to kill rats.
So with great enthusiasm and self delusion, I went about making ‘Rasam’. The lentils went in first, the spices next, then some salt and tamarind, some cumin, some oil and lots of stupidity. As the concoction boiled, I began to pat myself on a job well done.
Finally, when it was done, put it on my plate with some rice and gingerly placed the food in my mouth.
Ok, why don’t we take a short commercial break at this point? We will be right back…
(Insert favourite commercial here)
Now that you are back, I don’t really have to explain how it turned out. Do I ?
If cooking is an art form, then my cooking is modern art. It gets people to ask themselves complex philosophical questions like “Should I flush this down the toilet or simply hide it under the sofa when nobody is looking”.
But I had to eat. Did I mention the restaurant was closed ?. So I braved on, added some more ‘stuff’ to it to make it more edible and managed to gulp down the food. In the process I learnt that ‘As you cook, so shall you eat’ makes for a good proverb.
But the fact is I did manage to finish up what I cooked and I confess it actually did taste well as I strove along. I guess my cooking is an acquired taste akin to drinking espresso or drinking wine or......eating soap.
So if you want to try my cooking, you are always welcome to my home.
But you have to sit on the floor with the plate because I am not letting you go anywhere near the sofa
Monday, November 12, 2007
The dreaded 'F' word
I have had enough. A couple of weeks ago, a grandmother across the street beat me in walking up to the end of road. That did not bother me much, clearly grandma was on steroids. Following week, a school kid did that too, so ok it hurt a little. But then, a stray puppy out ran me on the streets and that, my dear readers, is simply unacceptable. My first impulse was to take my car out and drive real fast to show the puppy that I was still the boss. Later, after years of denial, it dawned on me that I had the fitness levels of a twig. So I went back to denial mode, it’s a lot more comfortable there. I recommend everybody to try it, it works !!.
But it did not last for long. The puppy kept acting all smug about its superior fitness and would not even wag its tail anymore when it saw me. So I resolved to do something about it, I mean my fitness not the wagging. We have a gym in the office, I decided to give it a shot.
I have always been scared of gyms. It’s because they have pictures of huge people like Arnold (spell his last name yourself), Sylvester Stallone and a whole bunch of other guys who are in their underwear striking weird poses apparently testing how much stress their underwear can take. I always feel they are all looking directly at me as if to say that me even being there is an insult to them. Thankfully, there are no such pictures in my office gym. So I took my chance.
The most important thing about going to the gym is to buy the right track suit. Hey, they have big mirrors in the gym and it is only fair that you look your best, so that you can catch your reflection while you try and pretend to work out.
The instructor told me to start slow as though I had a choice, I liked him right away.
So the first day, I got on the treadmill and ran, ok jogged…oh alright…walked for like 30 minutes. A treadmill is a great reflection on corporate life, the whole idea being that you need to keep running harder and harder to stay where you are. That’s my wisdom for the day to you, free of charge.
Here is another bit of wisdom, apparently the human body has these things called muscles. Muscles are walnut shaped (and sized in some) and help in thinking....no wait, that’s brains. Ok, whatever muscles are gym is supposed to help them stay active, looks like mine were mostly asleep. And boy, do they get nasty when woken up !!. I had a school teacher like that once who would sometimes sleep during the class and anybody who dared to wake her up would get walloped, she taught moral science.
Gym has a strange effect on the unprepared anatomy. After a bunch of workout sessions, you feel a distinct out of body experience. Each of my body part seemed to have declared independence from the rest. My brain kept telling my legs to move and instead my mouth would ask my brain to go to hell. My body was like the Indian parliament, total chaos and no work done. So the next few days, if you heard “Ow....ow....ow” in the corridor, that was me walking and sometimes you would hear “ ” of course, that was me not walking.
I admit it is getting better now after a week of narcissistic workouts. I am more confident about my fitness. The darned little puppy better watch out, I am gonna leave it far behind.
But I am not so sure of grandma though…
But it did not last for long. The puppy kept acting all smug about its superior fitness and would not even wag its tail anymore when it saw me. So I resolved to do something about it, I mean my fitness not the wagging. We have a gym in the office, I decided to give it a shot.
I have always been scared of gyms. It’s because they have pictures of huge people like Arnold (spell his last name yourself), Sylvester Stallone and a whole bunch of other guys who are in their underwear striking weird poses apparently testing how much stress their underwear can take. I always feel they are all looking directly at me as if to say that me even being there is an insult to them. Thankfully, there are no such pictures in my office gym. So I took my chance.
The most important thing about going to the gym is to buy the right track suit. Hey, they have big mirrors in the gym and it is only fair that you look your best, so that you can catch your reflection while you try and pretend to work out.
The instructor told me to start slow as though I had a choice, I liked him right away.
So the first day, I got on the treadmill and ran, ok jogged…oh alright…walked for like 30 minutes. A treadmill is a great reflection on corporate life, the whole idea being that you need to keep running harder and harder to stay where you are. That’s my wisdom for the day to you, free of charge.
Here is another bit of wisdom, apparently the human body has these things called muscles. Muscles are walnut shaped (and sized in some) and help in thinking....no wait, that’s brains. Ok, whatever muscles are gym is supposed to help them stay active, looks like mine were mostly asleep. And boy, do they get nasty when woken up !!. I had a school teacher like that once who would sometimes sleep during the class and anybody who dared to wake her up would get walloped, she taught moral science.
Gym has a strange effect on the unprepared anatomy. After a bunch of workout sessions, you feel a distinct out of body experience. Each of my body part seemed to have declared independence from the rest. My brain kept telling my legs to move and instead my mouth would ask my brain to go to hell. My body was like the Indian parliament, total chaos and no work done. So the next few days, if you heard “Ow....ow....ow” in the corridor, that was me walking and sometimes you would hear “ ” of course, that was me not walking.
I admit it is getting better now after a week of narcissistic workouts. I am more confident about my fitness. The darned little puppy better watch out, I am gonna leave it far behind.
But I am not so sure of grandma though…
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
The worst of them all
I love politicians. They make dung beetles look classy.
I say this in reference to what is happening in my State right now. But it does not matter if you are not aware of the local politics of this State, I am sure you have your bunch of politicos who compete just as hard to keep the beetles on top.
The hankering for power by politicians and the total lack of any principles serves one purpose, it helps me make jokes on them.
Q: What is the difference between a politician and a soiled diaper ?.
A: The diaper
Going by the total chaos that is prevalent in the State today, it seems best to have early elections. However an election is really an expensive way for people to decide who gets to loot them this time.
I propose a much simpler and more cost effective alternative. I would like to call it the Indian Roulette. This is same as its Russian counterpart except that the gun shall have 5 bullets and 1 empty chamber. I know what you are thinking “Well, there is still a 16.66 % chance that the last one shall come out of it alive”. Well, I appreciate your concern but we have to give them a fair chance. Look at it this way, the guy who survives is someone with a lot of luck. This is precisely what we need because when intelligence is not available, luck is all that counts. As we know, governance here works more on luck than on anything else.
Alternately, we could have a game of musical chairs. The catch is that the chairs would all be electric. The atmosphere sure would be all charged up. Tacky puns aside, you get the picture right ?
But like all my other great ideas, these too will not see the light of day and shall have to be relegated to this blog.
Anyway, it appears to be that time of the month when my sarcasm hormones are fully revved up. It is not my intention to hurt anybody's sentiments by this post.
I sincerely apologize to all dung beetles.
I say this in reference to what is happening in my State right now. But it does not matter if you are not aware of the local politics of this State, I am sure you have your bunch of politicos who compete just as hard to keep the beetles on top.
The hankering for power by politicians and the total lack of any principles serves one purpose, it helps me make jokes on them.
Q: What is the difference between a politician and a soiled diaper ?.
A: The diaper
Going by the total chaos that is prevalent in the State today, it seems best to have early elections. However an election is really an expensive way for people to decide who gets to loot them this time.
I propose a much simpler and more cost effective alternative. I would like to call it the Indian Roulette. This is same as its Russian counterpart except that the gun shall have 5 bullets and 1 empty chamber. I know what you are thinking “Well, there is still a 16.66 % chance that the last one shall come out of it alive”. Well, I appreciate your concern but we have to give them a fair chance. Look at it this way, the guy who survives is someone with a lot of luck. This is precisely what we need because when intelligence is not available, luck is all that counts. As we know, governance here works more on luck than on anything else.
Alternately, we could have a game of musical chairs. The catch is that the chairs would all be electric. The atmosphere sure would be all charged up. Tacky puns aside, you get the picture right ?
But like all my other great ideas, these too will not see the light of day and shall have to be relegated to this blog.
Anyway, it appears to be that time of the month when my sarcasm hormones are fully revved up. It is not my intention to hurt anybody's sentiments by this post.
I sincerely apologize to all dung beetles.
FYI Post
As we approach, November 1st, Karnataka Rajyothsava day (State formation anniversary of Karnataka), I would like to mention that Wikipedia is going to publish an article on Karnataka, as their Featured Article on their main page.
Do check this out on Nov 1
http://en.wikipedia.org
The info on Karnataka can be found at
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karnataka
A friend of mine is a Wikipedia contributor and he has worked on the Karnataka wiki. I thought I would do my part in spreading this info.
Do check this out on Nov 1
http://en.wikipedia.org
The info on Karnataka can be found at
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karnataka
A friend of mine is a Wikipedia contributor and he has worked on the Karnataka wiki. I thought I would do my part in spreading this info.
Friday, October 26, 2007
On the flag and the national honour
The Indian cricket team has been sued for insulting the national flag.
Apparently, the way the flag was handled during the after match celebrations was deemed insulting.
Team India accused of 'insulting' tricolour
We seem to be seeing more and more of such lawsuits that border on the trivial. A couple of months ago, Infosys founder Narayana Murthy was subjected to this farce as well for allegedly insulting the national anthem.
Anyone in India knows that cricket is a binding force and the Indian cricket team is a substantial cohesive influence on the country. Mud slinging these youths is just an attempt at petty publicity.
We are a flag crazy country, every time a politician needs to make an impact, a new flag pole is erected and a flag hoisted there. Every city has at least a bunch of these poles flying either the national flag or the state flag. The real insult to a flag happens here. Most of the flags end up being weather beaten and torn with gaping holes. Nobody seems to perceive this as a problem.
But these publicity hounds are always on the lookout for individuals that they can target for maximum mileage, the bigger the individual, the greater the witch-hunt.
Since we are on flags, I might as well write about something that had bothered me for a long time and only recently have been able to appreciate the use of it. I am talking about USA where the freedom for citizens to burn their national flag is permitted by law.
How can a country allow it's citizens to burn it's own flag ?. A conventional outlook will not give us the answer. For me, a flag represents a set of values that a country was built upon. It is a metaphor for the principles that are the foundation of a country's constitution. If these principles are blatantly flouted by its own government, then a citizen may feel that this can be best demonstrated by burning the flag as a way symbolizing that the value system of the country is being burnt down.
In India, we have had situations which have been a blot on our founding values. The Babri masjid issue, the Bombay blasts, the Godhra train carnage and the subsequent Gujarat riots. As exposed by the media, at various levels, official complicity was involved in most of these events.
Every time official machinery turns a wanton blind eye to obvious desecration of constitutional values, the Indian flag burns.
When looked at it this way, the American law makes sense.
But I would like to quickly add that I do not support such a freedom in India, for the simple reason that in our culture, we have used burning as way of demonstrating hate. Effigies of personalities are burnt, buses are burnt and so on. The intent of burning in these cases is vastly different from the intent of burning a flag. Hence this is a freedom that we cannot comprehend or afford.
By the way, as an aside, did you know that the most preferred way of disposing the Indian Flag is to burn it ?.
THE PREVENTION OF INSULTS TO NATIONAL HONOUR ACT, 1971
PART. III
HOISTING/DISPLAY OF THE NATIONAL FLAG BY THE CENTRAL AND STATE GOVERNMENTS AND THEIR ORGANISATIONS AND AGENCIES.
SECTION V
3.25 When the Flag is in a damaged or soiled condition, it shall be destroyed as a whole in private, preferably by burning or by any other method consistent with the dignity of the Flag.
Next time you buy a flag during Independence day, make sure you don't dump it in the dustbin but give it a decent disposal (yet another reason to shun the plastic ones).
That would be truly honouring our national symbol.
Apparently, the way the flag was handled during the after match celebrations was deemed insulting.
Team India accused of 'insulting' tricolour
We seem to be seeing more and more of such lawsuits that border on the trivial. A couple of months ago, Infosys founder Narayana Murthy was subjected to this farce as well for allegedly insulting the national anthem.
Anyone in India knows that cricket is a binding force and the Indian cricket team is a substantial cohesive influence on the country. Mud slinging these youths is just an attempt at petty publicity.
We are a flag crazy country, every time a politician needs to make an impact, a new flag pole is erected and a flag hoisted there. Every city has at least a bunch of these poles flying either the national flag or the state flag. The real insult to a flag happens here. Most of the flags end up being weather beaten and torn with gaping holes. Nobody seems to perceive this as a problem.
But these publicity hounds are always on the lookout for individuals that they can target for maximum mileage, the bigger the individual, the greater the witch-hunt.
Since we are on flags, I might as well write about something that had bothered me for a long time and only recently have been able to appreciate the use of it. I am talking about USA where the freedom for citizens to burn their national flag is permitted by law.
How can a country allow it's citizens to burn it's own flag ?. A conventional outlook will not give us the answer. For me, a flag represents a set of values that a country was built upon. It is a metaphor for the principles that are the foundation of a country's constitution. If these principles are blatantly flouted by its own government, then a citizen may feel that this can be best demonstrated by burning the flag as a way symbolizing that the value system of the country is being burnt down.
In India, we have had situations which have been a blot on our founding values. The Babri masjid issue, the Bombay blasts, the Godhra train carnage and the subsequent Gujarat riots. As exposed by the media, at various levels, official complicity was involved in most of these events.
Every time official machinery turns a wanton blind eye to obvious desecration of constitutional values, the Indian flag burns.
When looked at it this way, the American law makes sense.
But I would like to quickly add that I do not support such a freedom in India, for the simple reason that in our culture, we have used burning as way of demonstrating hate. Effigies of personalities are burnt, buses are burnt and so on. The intent of burning in these cases is vastly different from the intent of burning a flag. Hence this is a freedom that we cannot comprehend or afford.
By the way, as an aside, did you know that the most preferred way of disposing the Indian Flag is to burn it ?.
THE PREVENTION OF INSULTS TO NATIONAL HONOUR ACT, 1971
PART. III
HOISTING/DISPLAY OF THE NATIONAL FLAG BY THE CENTRAL AND STATE GOVERNMENTS AND THEIR ORGANISATIONS AND AGENCIES.
SECTION V
3.25 When the Flag is in a damaged or soiled condition, it shall be destroyed as a whole in private, preferably by burning or by any other method consistent with the dignity of the Flag.
Next time you buy a flag during Independence day, make sure you don't dump it in the dustbin but give it a decent disposal (yet another reason to shun the plastic ones).
That would be truly honouring our national symbol.
Monday, October 22, 2007
The best of them all
I watched Spiderman-1 again this weekend and I must say I love this guy…I mean Spiderman the character not Toby McGuire. For me Spiderman is the best of the superheroes there is and I will tell you why. If you are a Batman or a Superman fan, stop reading now and do something else like watching cartoon network…
Let's begin with Batman. Firstly, what kind of a superhero needs an assistant ?? If that isn't proof enough of his limited abilities, let me bring to your notice the very primitive means of transport that he uses...rope !!. He might as well take the bus.
I have always wondered what Batman would do if he ran out of rope. Think about it, there he is…climbing to reach the 15th storey of a building on fire and he falls short of rope on the 13th. Pretty embarrassing for a super hero, don't you think?
"Hey Robin, this is Batman calling, can you quickly run over to Wal-Mart and get me like another 30 feet of rope and while you are at it, get me a new cape as well, this one got stuck in the window sill on the 12th"
And don't even get me started on Superman. For all his super powers, he is remarkably dumb when it comes to disguise. When he is Clark Kent, all he does is wear spectacles and somehow nobody in the town can guess he is superman. I have eaten turnips that are more intelligent than the people of Metropolis. Much has been said about Superman’s underwear, my theory is that his underwear draws attention away from his face and people are so startled by his unique fashion sense that they just cannot look above his waist (of course I mean that in a non-dirty way) and all of them are thinking the same thing “How the hell does he go to the bathroom ?”
So that leaves only Spiderman, the best of the lot. Doesn't he have the coolest costume or what!! No fashion faux pas there. And unlike Batman, he never has to worry about running out of transportation support. And nothing to beat hanging upside down and kissing MJ and I must say I simply love this girl, I mean Kirsten Dunst and not MJ the character....
Let’s see Superman or Batman trying to top that one…
Go Spidey !!
Now it is time for me to get back to being an adult
Let's begin with Batman. Firstly, what kind of a superhero needs an assistant ?? If that isn't proof enough of his limited abilities, let me bring to your notice the very primitive means of transport that he uses...rope !!. He might as well take the bus.
I have always wondered what Batman would do if he ran out of rope. Think about it, there he is…climbing to reach the 15th storey of a building on fire and he falls short of rope on the 13th. Pretty embarrassing for a super hero, don't you think?
"Hey Robin, this is Batman calling, can you quickly run over to Wal-Mart and get me like another 30 feet of rope and while you are at it, get me a new cape as well, this one got stuck in the window sill on the 12th"
And don't even get me started on Superman. For all his super powers, he is remarkably dumb when it comes to disguise. When he is Clark Kent, all he does is wear spectacles and somehow nobody in the town can guess he is superman. I have eaten turnips that are more intelligent than the people of Metropolis. Much has been said about Superman’s underwear, my theory is that his underwear draws attention away from his face and people are so startled by his unique fashion sense that they just cannot look above his waist (of course I mean that in a non-dirty way) and all of them are thinking the same thing “How the hell does he go to the bathroom ?”
So that leaves only Spiderman, the best of the lot. Doesn't he have the coolest costume or what!! No fashion faux pas there. And unlike Batman, he never has to worry about running out of transportation support. And nothing to beat hanging upside down and kissing MJ and I must say I simply love this girl, I mean Kirsten Dunst and not MJ the character....
Let’s see Superman or Batman trying to top that one…
Go Spidey !!
Now it is time for me to get back to being an adult
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Pushing the frontiers of science
The Ig-Nobel prizes for 2007 were announced last week. Mr. Einstein please make way, here come the next set of breakthrough achievements that may impact science in ways unknown and preferably it will stay that way.
2007 ig nobel winners
Of interest is the guy who won the Ig-Nobel for chemistry. He had this burst of inspiration and discovered a way to extract vanilla out of...hold your breath....cow dung !!. I did warn you to hold your breath, did I not?
I seriously wonder how this guy went about finding it out. As is wont in science, achievements are never a one step process. So I figure, this guy spent many hours and many unsuccessful attempts before he hit the right flavour...
Attempt 1: "Hmmm....dung"
Attempt 2: "Yuck...still dung"
Attempt 3: "Umm..hey...Big Mac...wait...no, still dung"
Attempt 4: "WOW..Vanilla....!!."
"Honey, sorry for the fight yesterday, here I made you some ice cream"
Then there is that team of researchers who showed that "rats sometimes cannot tell the difference between a person speaking Japanese backwards and a person speaking Dutch backwards". Interestingly, neither can I. It proves that I am at least as intelligent as laboratory rats and automatically a lot more intelligent than this particular research team.
We also have the winner of the Ig-Nobel for medicine for his report on "Sword Swallowing and Its Side Effects". I am sure he has a nice thank you speech prepared but he may not be able to deliver it since it is pretty inconvenient when you have a sword sticking out of your throat (I am guessing, side effect number 3).
These scientists should be rewarded for their hard work. Personally, I would buy them all Big Macs and would like to tell them "funny so never was shit bull".
If you did not get that, maybe the rats could help.
2007 ig nobel winners
Of interest is the guy who won the Ig-Nobel for chemistry. He had this burst of inspiration and discovered a way to extract vanilla out of...hold your breath....cow dung !!. I did warn you to hold your breath, did I not?
I seriously wonder how this guy went about finding it out. As is wont in science, achievements are never a one step process. So I figure, this guy spent many hours and many unsuccessful attempts before he hit the right flavour...
Attempt 1: "Hmmm....dung"
Attempt 2: "Yuck...still dung"
Attempt 3: "Umm..hey...Big Mac...wait...no, still dung"
Attempt 4: "WOW..Vanilla....!!."
"Honey, sorry for the fight yesterday, here I made you some ice cream"
Then there is that team of researchers who showed that "rats sometimes cannot tell the difference between a person speaking Japanese backwards and a person speaking Dutch backwards". Interestingly, neither can I. It proves that I am at least as intelligent as laboratory rats and automatically a lot more intelligent than this particular research team.
We also have the winner of the Ig-Nobel for medicine for his report on "Sword Swallowing and Its Side Effects". I am sure he has a nice thank you speech prepared but he may not be able to deliver it since it is pretty inconvenient when you have a sword sticking out of your throat (I am guessing, side effect number 3).
These scientists should be rewarded for their hard work. Personally, I would buy them all Big Macs and would like to tell them "funny so never was shit bull".
If you did not get that, maybe the rats could help.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Cambodia Calling
Africa, a continent that is ever so stunning in the diversity of wildlife, I have always wanted to witness the beauty of Serengeti and the raw wilderness of the Masai Mara.
So I flew to Cambodia.
You see I had a chance to avail a free round trip in lieu of the air miles that I had accumulated over the past few years. The air miles were good enough to take me as far as any country in south east Asia. Africa will have to wait for another time.
I chose Cambodia for three reasons.
1. I wanted to see Angkor Wat
2. It has a visa on arrival facility
3. I was secretly hoping to run into Angelina Jolie and maybe persuade her to adopt me.
I landed in the capital of Cambodia which is Phnom Penh (pronounced "Pphhhh....Pphhhh...")
Here is a question for you all - "What is hot, sultry and makes you sweat all over ?". The answer is, of course, Bipasha Basu.
But truth be told, during this time of the year, Cambodia is hot and sultry too in a very non Bipasha way. And that is precisely why I chose this time of the year because when you are single and don't want to spend too much money, you always pick the off-season. This way you get the best deals. For example, you could visit Egypt during summer or visit Siberia during winter or Iraq pretty much anytime.
Here goes what happened there (25th to 30th Sept 07)
Day 1 and 2 - Phnom Penh
Phnom Penh could be just about any city in India, the dirt, the grime, the chaotic traffic including. Cambodians are supposed to drive on the right side of the road and they try their best. So I felt right at home.
I checked into a hotel called Tonle Sap Guesthouse which is situated in the heart of the city very near to the river front and close enough to most of the tourist attractions.
The first day I visited the National Museum which houses ancient works of art, sculptures of Buddha, Vishnu, Ganesha and other Hindu Gods. If you did not know already, Cambodia was a Hindu Kingdom till about 16th century after which the king converted to Buddhism and his subjects followed suit. But you can still see a lot of Hindu relics and practices in their culture. Next, I walked to the King’s Palace nearby. It’s a wonderful work of architecture, in the typical Khmer style with sloping roofs and sculpted art around the sides.
The next day, I took the 'tuk tuk' (it's a motorcycle rickshaw) to the Killing Fields . This place bears testimony to the brutality of the Khmer Rouge. The regime of Pol Pot for four years (1975 – 79) left around 2 million dead and you can still see the scars of the regime. I met a lot of people who have had their parents or their near ones killed during that time. The ‘killing fields’ houses a building where around 20000 human skulls and bones of the victims are on display showing the depravity that man can fall into in pursuit of strange idealism. During my return, I stopped by Tuol Sleung Prison which was used by the regime to imprison and torture innocent people accusing them of conspiracy against the movement.
Day 3, Day 4, Day 5 – Seim Reip
It was time to explore the spectacular Angkor temples. I flew to the city of Seim Reip (pronounced…”Seim Reip”) where the temples are located. On the first day there, I visited the Tonle Sap lake. This is a huge huge lake formed by the Tonle Sap river. Apparently, during the wet season it covers an area of more than 10000 sq kms. To give you an idea of the size, it means that we can fit in three pre-diet versions of Adnan Sami and still have space for two more, yeah I know, it is that huge. There is a floating village in the periphery of the lake. Vietnamese and Cambodian families inhabit this floating village and fishing is their main occupation. I took a boat ride that lasted about a couple of hours and it was fantastic.
The next day it was time to explore the temple complex. First stop was at Angkor Wat. The three towers of the temple representing the Hindu trinity seem to rise from the middle of the forest trying to reach for the sky. The majestic view of the temple is simply breath taking. The temple is a three storey structure, symbolizing hell, earth and heaven. The stairway to the third floor is really steep indicating that the climb to heaven is an arduous task.
I then went to Angkor Thom which is not as well preserved as the Wat but it oozes a lot more mystery and has a surreal feel about it. There are giant images of faces sculpted on the towers of this temple. They again represent the Hindu trinity, mostly Vishnu. The expression on the face evokes a feeling of tranquility and the smile suggests a sense of contentment that we miss so badly in our lives today.
I visited a few more temple complexes, the best being the one at Banteay Srei. This one has intricately carved designs that are a joy to behold. It would take at least three days to cover all the temple complexes in Angkor and I just had one more day left with more to see and so had to satisfy myself with just a day’s visit. But it was well worth every moment of it.
That night, I had my dinner at a local restaurant that stages the traditional Apsara dance. A group of gorgeously dressed young women came on stage, slowly moving their hands and bodies to the beautiful beat of the music in the background. As you watch this slow rhythmic performance, it is hard not to fall asleep…oops…I mean fall in love with the dance form. The whole performance took about an hour and it was a nice end to a great day.
The third day, I stepped into the Cambodian Cultural Village that showcases the various cultural setups of the different people living in Cambodia. When I went in, it was time for the ‘traditional Khmer wedding’ show. I was sitting there waiting for the show to begin when a couple of guys asked me to follow them to the dressing room. They told me that I had been selected to play the groom for that show……… WOW………An older lady dressed me up in traditional Khmer clothing. I was then handed a vessel of flowers to be held in both hands and I walked to the stage with music and drums beating and a bunch of people following me. As an aside, if you go there and you don’t get picked as the groom, don’t feel bad, it’s probably because you are too ugly. Did I mention, I got picked ??. To continue, the bride emerged from the other side, a lovely young woman and we both held the vessel of flowers and walked towards a bench on the stage where my future “parents-in-law” were seated. We prostrated before them and then were led to our chairs in the centre of the stage. After that, two people came on stage and there was a discussion in the local Khmer language which nobody translated but there were people giggling around me, I assume that it was some kind of pre marriage negotiations taking place or maybe they were just making fun of me “Hey look, another tourist we conned into paying 9 dollars to watch this…………moron”. Anyway, two Chinese tourists were picked to play my parents. They and my “in-laws” took turns in cutting my hair (of course just a mock cut) as a part of the ritual and the marriage was done.
Later, my “wife” started to dance slowly and I was asked to follow her. Me !!, dance !!!!, when it comes to dancing I am a log of wood with a face. I told them I can’t but they would not listen, apparently it is very important for a mock marriage you see. Anyway, I started moving my hands in all general directions. I suspect I must have looked like a guy having a nervous breakdown and trying to swat flies at the same time. There are at least 20 Chinese tourists out there who took pictures of the whole thing. Somewhere in China, I can hear people looking at these photos and laughing their guts out “Hey Tong, what’s wrong with this guy ?, my chicken can dance better than him”. If you are reading this Mr.Tong, you better be aware that inspite of my terrible dancing, I got picked as the groom and not you.
My flight back to Phnom Penh was still a couple of hours away and so I visited the war memorial. A word of advice, don’t ever visit the war memorial. It is just a bunch of rusting tanks and rocket launchers and a whole lot of used up artillery. They charge you 3 dollars for going through a dump yard.
Day 6 - Back home
Anyway, flew back to Phnom Penh that evening. The next morning at 10 was my flight back home. I overslept and when I got up it was 8.25 already. Then followed the fastest ever getting ready exercise and I was out of the room by 8.29 (don’t ask). I caught my flight with time to spare. Had a 7 hour layover at Bangkok (by the way, the airport has 32645 floor tiles, ha ha of course I am exaggerating…………… it is actually 31224) and finally landed in Bangalore at 9.30 in the night. Went to my office, picked my car and drove home.
All in all, a wonderful holiday…
PS: Special thanks to ‘P’ who dropped me to and picked me up from the Airport. It’s hard to find friends like her (my other friends were too clever for me to con them into it). And thanks to ‘A’ who let me borrow his SLR camera knowing fully well that it would be like handing over a crystal ball to a caveman.
So I flew to Cambodia.
You see I had a chance to avail a free round trip in lieu of the air miles that I had accumulated over the past few years. The air miles were good enough to take me as far as any country in south east Asia. Africa will have to wait for another time.
I chose Cambodia for three reasons.
1. I wanted to see Angkor Wat
2. It has a visa on arrival facility
3. I was secretly hoping to run into Angelina Jolie and maybe persuade her to adopt me.
I landed in the capital of Cambodia which is Phnom Penh (pronounced "Pphhhh....Pphhhh...")
Here is a question for you all - "What is hot, sultry and makes you sweat all over ?". The answer is, of course, Bipasha Basu.
But truth be told, during this time of the year, Cambodia is hot and sultry too in a very non Bipasha way. And that is precisely why I chose this time of the year because when you are single and don't want to spend too much money, you always pick the off-season. This way you get the best deals. For example, you could visit Egypt during summer or visit Siberia during winter or Iraq pretty much anytime.
Here goes what happened there (25th to 30th Sept 07)
Day 1 and 2 - Phnom Penh
Phnom Penh could be just about any city in India, the dirt, the grime, the chaotic traffic including. Cambodians are supposed to drive on the right side of the road and they try their best. So I felt right at home.
I checked into a hotel called Tonle Sap Guesthouse which is situated in the heart of the city very near to the river front and close enough to most of the tourist attractions.
The first day I visited the National Museum which houses ancient works of art, sculptures of Buddha, Vishnu, Ganesha and other Hindu Gods. If you did not know already, Cambodia was a Hindu Kingdom till about 16th century after which the king converted to Buddhism and his subjects followed suit. But you can still see a lot of Hindu relics and practices in their culture. Next, I walked to the King’s Palace nearby. It’s a wonderful work of architecture, in the typical Khmer style with sloping roofs and sculpted art around the sides.
The next day, I took the 'tuk tuk' (it's a motorcycle rickshaw) to the Killing Fields . This place bears testimony to the brutality of the Khmer Rouge. The regime of Pol Pot for four years (1975 – 79) left around 2 million dead and you can still see the scars of the regime. I met a lot of people who have had their parents or their near ones killed during that time. The ‘killing fields’ houses a building where around 20000 human skulls and bones of the victims are on display showing the depravity that man can fall into in pursuit of strange idealism. During my return, I stopped by Tuol Sleung Prison which was used by the regime to imprison and torture innocent people accusing them of conspiracy against the movement.
Day 3, Day 4, Day 5 – Seim Reip
It was time to explore the spectacular Angkor temples. I flew to the city of Seim Reip (pronounced…”Seim Reip”) where the temples are located. On the first day there, I visited the Tonle Sap lake. This is a huge huge lake formed by the Tonle Sap river. Apparently, during the wet season it covers an area of more than 10000 sq kms. To give you an idea of the size, it means that we can fit in three pre-diet versions of Adnan Sami and still have space for two more, yeah I know, it is that huge. There is a floating village in the periphery of the lake. Vietnamese and Cambodian families inhabit this floating village and fishing is their main occupation. I took a boat ride that lasted about a couple of hours and it was fantastic.
The next day it was time to explore the temple complex. First stop was at Angkor Wat. The three towers of the temple representing the Hindu trinity seem to rise from the middle of the forest trying to reach for the sky. The majestic view of the temple is simply breath taking. The temple is a three storey structure, symbolizing hell, earth and heaven. The stairway to the third floor is really steep indicating that the climb to heaven is an arduous task.
I then went to Angkor Thom which is not as well preserved as the Wat but it oozes a lot more mystery and has a surreal feel about it. There are giant images of faces sculpted on the towers of this temple. They again represent the Hindu trinity, mostly Vishnu. The expression on the face evokes a feeling of tranquility and the smile suggests a sense of contentment that we miss so badly in our lives today.
I visited a few more temple complexes, the best being the one at Banteay Srei. This one has intricately carved designs that are a joy to behold. It would take at least three days to cover all the temple complexes in Angkor and I just had one more day left with more to see and so had to satisfy myself with just a day’s visit. But it was well worth every moment of it.
That night, I had my dinner at a local restaurant that stages the traditional Apsara dance. A group of gorgeously dressed young women came on stage, slowly moving their hands and bodies to the beautiful beat of the music in the background. As you watch this slow rhythmic performance, it is hard not to fall asleep…oops…I mean fall in love with the dance form. The whole performance took about an hour and it was a nice end to a great day.
The third day, I stepped into the Cambodian Cultural Village that showcases the various cultural setups of the different people living in Cambodia. When I went in, it was time for the ‘traditional Khmer wedding’ show. I was sitting there waiting for the show to begin when a couple of guys asked me to follow them to the dressing room. They told me that I had been selected to play the groom for that show……… WOW………An older lady dressed me up in traditional Khmer clothing. I was then handed a vessel of flowers to be held in both hands and I walked to the stage with music and drums beating and a bunch of people following me. As an aside, if you go there and you don’t get picked as the groom, don’t feel bad, it’s probably because you are too ugly. Did I mention, I got picked ??. To continue, the bride emerged from the other side, a lovely young woman and we both held the vessel of flowers and walked towards a bench on the stage where my future “parents-in-law” were seated. We prostrated before them and then were led to our chairs in the centre of the stage. After that, two people came on stage and there was a discussion in the local Khmer language which nobody translated but there were people giggling around me, I assume that it was some kind of pre marriage negotiations taking place or maybe they were just making fun of me “Hey look, another tourist we conned into paying 9 dollars to watch this…………moron”. Anyway, two Chinese tourists were picked to play my parents. They and my “in-laws” took turns in cutting my hair (of course just a mock cut) as a part of the ritual and the marriage was done.
Later, my “wife” started to dance slowly and I was asked to follow her. Me !!, dance !!!!, when it comes to dancing I am a log of wood with a face. I told them I can’t but they would not listen, apparently it is very important for a mock marriage you see. Anyway, I started moving my hands in all general directions. I suspect I must have looked like a guy having a nervous breakdown and trying to swat flies at the same time. There are at least 20 Chinese tourists out there who took pictures of the whole thing. Somewhere in China, I can hear people looking at these photos and laughing their guts out “Hey Tong, what’s wrong with this guy ?, my chicken can dance better than him”. If you are reading this Mr.Tong, you better be aware that inspite of my terrible dancing, I got picked as the groom and not you.
My flight back to Phnom Penh was still a couple of hours away and so I visited the war memorial. A word of advice, don’t ever visit the war memorial. It is just a bunch of rusting tanks and rocket launchers and a whole lot of used up artillery. They charge you 3 dollars for going through a dump yard.
Day 6 - Back home
Anyway, flew back to Phnom Penh that evening. The next morning at 10 was my flight back home. I overslept and when I got up it was 8.25 already. Then followed the fastest ever getting ready exercise and I was out of the room by 8.29 (don’t ask). I caught my flight with time to spare. Had a 7 hour layover at Bangkok (by the way, the airport has 32645 floor tiles, ha ha of course I am exaggerating…………… it is actually 31224) and finally landed in Bangalore at 9.30 in the night. Went to my office, picked my car and drove home.
All in all, a wonderful holiday…
PS: Special thanks to ‘P’ who dropped me to and picked me up from the Airport. It’s hard to find friends like her (my other friends were too clever for me to con them into it). And thanks to ‘A’ who let me borrow his SLR camera knowing fully well that it would be like handing over a crystal ball to a caveman.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Mahatma
"First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win"
A quote that you may be forgiven for thinking was made by some gun toting general during a war. It was a war alright, a war against an empire and instead of a gun toting general, there was a thin, half naked old man with a stick. Win he did and how !!.
I realise that this is my second post on Gandhi (after ‘In memory of a Legend’) but I ask your forbearance on this and I hope to not bore you with repetition.
Discussing or debating Gandhi is futile and never ending. I, for one, believe that he can only be discovered. We can aspire to know ourselves better by knowing him. Because at some level we all share the same characteristics that make us human and Mahatma proved what happens when the best of human nature is exercised to conquer the baser aspects.
When I finished reading Louis Fisher's excellent biography on Mahatma Gandhi, the first thought I had was this man died for all that is wrong with us.
In this strife torn state of affairs where the word 'religion' has come to mean division and polarization, Bapu showed what being truly religious is all about.
Two thousand years ago one man was put on a cross and around sixty years ago another was pumped with bullets. Both of them died due to religion albeit under vastly different circumstances. But what is common is that the people responsible for their ends were alike in their thinking. As Einstein once said great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Gandhi was as religious a man as one can get. His outlook towards religion was fundamental nay essential in his political progress and his personal convictions. But his vision of religion was quite tangential to that of those who ended his life and they could never comprehend what it meant.
This post is not intended to defend religion or religious beliefs. I hardly consider myself religious. The intent is to show that religious beliefs can be as powerful in effecting positive change as they are in effecting negative ones.
The concept of God has created so much exclusive groupism and destruction that it perhaps has no parallel in the history of conflicting ideas. But when we perceive God in the way Mahatma did, the debate vanishes.
To quote Bapu,
"for I can see that in the midst of death life persists,
in the midst of untruth truth persists,
in the midst of darkness light persists. Hence I gather that
God is life, truth, light. He is love. He is the supreme Good"
-Excerpted from a speech by Gandhi, recorded in Kingsley Hall, London 1931
Irrespective of whether you are a theist or an atheist, you simply cannot argue with Gandhi's concept of God. Be it his autobiography or his public talks, one can find a persistent and oft repeated view by Gandhi that Truth was God.
Some readers here may opine that having read all the glorified texts on him, I may have developed a filter to only the positives of Gandhi. I would like to say that I have spent almost as much time on anti Gandhi literature, some of them being the Godse speech during his trial and Pradeep Dalvi's controversial drama 'Mee Nathuram Godse Boltoy' and a whole lot more that one can find on the web.
Ironically, the more hate speeches I read, the more my admiration for him grows.
I am aware of the controversies Gandhi generated during his lifetime and these are frequently wielded by the Gandhi bashers, be it his so called “castist" comments allegedly defending the Hindu caste system or his bizarre brahmacharya experiments during the later years of his life. I do not want to delve into refuting these allegations or justifying his actions in this write-up, that's not my point.
But I do know that what ever his limitations, his was a life of unquestionable integrity, unbound tenacity, an unmatched vision and above all a spiritual conviction so great that it transcended religion as everybody else understood it.
In conclusion, I believe that as long as there are people who continue to draw their inspiration from Mahatma Gandhi, there is hope for mankind. To paraphrase a popular quote…………… “Gandhi is dead, long live Gandhi”
Bapu, you rock !!
A quote that you may be forgiven for thinking was made by some gun toting general during a war. It was a war alright, a war against an empire and instead of a gun toting general, there was a thin, half naked old man with a stick. Win he did and how !!.
I realise that this is my second post on Gandhi (after ‘In memory of a Legend’) but I ask your forbearance on this and I hope to not bore you with repetition.
Discussing or debating Gandhi is futile and never ending. I, for one, believe that he can only be discovered. We can aspire to know ourselves better by knowing him. Because at some level we all share the same characteristics that make us human and Mahatma proved what happens when the best of human nature is exercised to conquer the baser aspects.
When I finished reading Louis Fisher's excellent biography on Mahatma Gandhi, the first thought I had was this man died for all that is wrong with us.
In this strife torn state of affairs where the word 'religion' has come to mean division and polarization, Bapu showed what being truly religious is all about.
Two thousand years ago one man was put on a cross and around sixty years ago another was pumped with bullets. Both of them died due to religion albeit under vastly different circumstances. But what is common is that the people responsible for their ends were alike in their thinking. As Einstein once said great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Gandhi was as religious a man as one can get. His outlook towards religion was fundamental nay essential in his political progress and his personal convictions. But his vision of religion was quite tangential to that of those who ended his life and they could never comprehend what it meant.
This post is not intended to defend religion or religious beliefs. I hardly consider myself religious. The intent is to show that religious beliefs can be as powerful in effecting positive change as they are in effecting negative ones.
The concept of God has created so much exclusive groupism and destruction that it perhaps has no parallel in the history of conflicting ideas. But when we perceive God in the way Mahatma did, the debate vanishes.
To quote Bapu,
"for I can see that in the midst of death life persists,
in the midst of untruth truth persists,
in the midst of darkness light persists. Hence I gather that
God is life, truth, light. He is love. He is the supreme Good"
-Excerpted from a speech by Gandhi, recorded in Kingsley Hall, London 1931
Irrespective of whether you are a theist or an atheist, you simply cannot argue with Gandhi's concept of God. Be it his autobiography or his public talks, one can find a persistent and oft repeated view by Gandhi that Truth was God.
Some readers here may opine that having read all the glorified texts on him, I may have developed a filter to only the positives of Gandhi. I would like to say that I have spent almost as much time on anti Gandhi literature, some of them being the Godse speech during his trial and Pradeep Dalvi's controversial drama 'Mee Nathuram Godse Boltoy' and a whole lot more that one can find on the web.
Ironically, the more hate speeches I read, the more my admiration for him grows.
I am aware of the controversies Gandhi generated during his lifetime and these are frequently wielded by the Gandhi bashers, be it his so called “castist" comments allegedly defending the Hindu caste system or his bizarre brahmacharya experiments during the later years of his life. I do not want to delve into refuting these allegations or justifying his actions in this write-up, that's not my point.
But I do know that what ever his limitations, his was a life of unquestionable integrity, unbound tenacity, an unmatched vision and above all a spiritual conviction so great that it transcended religion as everybody else understood it.
In conclusion, I believe that as long as there are people who continue to draw their inspiration from Mahatma Gandhi, there is hope for mankind. To paraphrase a popular quote…………… “Gandhi is dead, long live Gandhi”
Bapu, you rock !!
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