The past few weeks, the coffee table discussions have been hijacked by a couple of my gadget freak colleagues who have discovered newer ways of using their mobile phones. So now they can do pretty much everything they could on their laptops...compiling code, surfing the web, checking mail, in general wasting company time !!. And they have been trying to convince me into buying one of those cool phones that costs a fortune. I have been holding out for now.
It is easy for me to hold out. I am not exactly a gadget freak. Especially since these new phones really are monstrosities. I keep telling my friend that it’s a good thing that he is married because with a phone that looks like a walkie talkie from the sixties, it is hard to impress the ladies. I call these new age, high tech phones as the ‘chick repellents’ (pardon the sexist undertone, but you get the picture right ?). I am not really into any gadget where I would need to explain why in spite of its ugliness, it is still cool (As it is, I have hard job explaining that about myself).
And while we are on subject of cell phones, I might as well add that I am tired of these warnings about the health risks posed by these phones. “Cell phone radiation is bad for your health”, “Oh, don’t keep the phone in your shirt pocket, it will affect the heart”. Gee, really, is that even an advice you can give to a guy ?. What are men supposed to do, keep the phones in their trouser pockets instead ?. Well, let me tell you people, men would any day take chances with their heart, all right. So go easy on the health advisory.
Infact, even as I type this post, Steven Spielberg is busy making a movie on this very topic. That's right, the movie is called “Saving Ryan’s Privates” starring Tom Hanks as Ryan and Charlie Sheen as...well. And Bollywood is already making the Indian version of it in which Govinda will be seen playing both Ryan and...as himself. The climax is supposed to be thrilling with the hero being strapped around the waist with a belt of mobile phones and the bad guy threatening to call all the numbers at once. For a country of more than a billion people, that’s not a bad idea. This country needs more such belts.
Anyway, the point is I am satisfied with my 2500 rupee cell phone. I admit it does not have a fancy GPS receiver or VPN connectivity or the super cool 3D surround sound. But it does let me get even with people who have pissed me off especially those who keep their phones in their trouser pockets.
Hey, is that your phone ringing ?
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Relatives for Rent
The Japanese are freaking goofy. They made robot dogs and cats and even robot humans. But this is just crazy
Rent a pet or...a relative
So now they have started renting out relatives !!.
How much dysfunctional does a society have to get before the people decide it is easier to rent friends and relatives than to actually make one. They already have an aging population, lonely young people and now this. I am betting the Japanese are going to un-breed themselves out of the human gene pool in a pretty short time. And my biggest concern is what would be the fate of Nikon, once they are all gone. Maybe the Chinese will take over but I don’t trust anything the Chinese make (they use too much vinegar). Ok, stop complaining about me being insensitive, my camera cost me a fortune, alright !!. And at least for my sake, the Japanese better get busy fixing their social life and start making more of themselves instead of indulging in this renting nonsense.
But I hate to admit, it does have its benefits. For example, this allows women a lot more choice.
“Hi, I need a partner, what do you have ?”
“All the boyfriends are taken, I have a couple of husbands, if you are interested”
“Hmm...how much for a cat ?”
Coming to think of it, I should try and use this business model on myself. I already am a friend to a bunch of thankless nerds. I might as well start charging them for it.
But in the meantime, can I have a sister-in-law to go. Preferably someone who can fix a Nikon...
Rent a pet or...a relative
So now they have started renting out relatives !!.
How much dysfunctional does a society have to get before the people decide it is easier to rent friends and relatives than to actually make one. They already have an aging population, lonely young people and now this. I am betting the Japanese are going to un-breed themselves out of the human gene pool in a pretty short time. And my biggest concern is what would be the fate of Nikon, once they are all gone. Maybe the Chinese will take over but I don’t trust anything the Chinese make (they use too much vinegar). Ok, stop complaining about me being insensitive, my camera cost me a fortune, alright !!. And at least for my sake, the Japanese better get busy fixing their social life and start making more of themselves instead of indulging in this renting nonsense.
But I hate to admit, it does have its benefits. For example, this allows women a lot more choice.
“Hi, I need a partner, what do you have ?”
“All the boyfriends are taken, I have a couple of husbands, if you are interested”
“Hmm...how much for a cat ?”
Coming to think of it, I should try and use this business model on myself. I already am a friend to a bunch of thankless nerds. I might as well start charging them for it.
But in the meantime, can I have a sister-in-law to go. Preferably someone who can fix a Nikon...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Year 2009
The year 2009 has set in. And I have decided to look into the future and predict the events that shall unfold in the year ahead. Here are my predictions.
Prediction 1:
India ups the ante against Pakistan, the official stand being raised from “Grrr” to “Bow wow”. Pakistan continues to deny any involvement in the Mumbai terror attacks even as the Indian government provides the family tree chart, DNA swabs and urine samples of the captured terrorist, as proof. Zardari says “Proof will not hold in Pakistan’s court of law”. Pakistan’s ISI demands a joint investigation team to probe the attack so that “we can learn about the loop holes and fix them to ensure no evidences are left behind the next time” says an anonymous ISI source.
In the meantime, Arundhati Roy accuses the Indian government of masterminding the whole attack. She refuses to elaborate saying “I need to skip a couple more doses of my medication before I can come up with a theory”
Prediction 2:
The stock market may go down further or if macro economic conditions change, it may go up from here. Impressed with the depth of analysis, CNBC signs me up for their expert panel. However, the economy continues to flounder in spite of repeated reassurances by the finance minister. People rush to withdraw money from their bank accounts while many others rush to the dictionary to find out what ‘flounder’ means.
Prediction 3:
Obama finishes his first year as President. He easily surpasses the standards set by his predecessor. All he had to do was not fall off bicycles and pronounce ‘nuclear’ correctly. And of course, not bomb random countries.
In other world events, inflation in Zimbabwe reaches numbers that haven’t even been invented. Robert Mugabe scraps the currency concept and orders that all trade be conducted through barter system. A goat will cost four chickens, a bag of rice will cost a pound of ham while any opposition to the moron running the country will cost your life.
After years of hostility and intense hatred for each other, Israel and Palestine decide to make peace and finally bury the hatchet. Unfortunately it is soon discovered that they buried the hatchet into each other’s backs.
The fruitcake president of Iran again goes into his denial mode and denies the existence of homosexuals in Iran, denies the occurrence of holocaust and going further, he denies all words beginning with ‘H’.
And finally, as a precaution, the French surrender. “Surrendering during war is reactive, surrendering during peace requires great foresight” claims the French president.
Ok, so that is my list of predictions for 2009. Do you have any ?
Prediction 1:
India ups the ante against Pakistan, the official stand being raised from “Grrr” to “Bow wow”. Pakistan continues to deny any involvement in the Mumbai terror attacks even as the Indian government provides the family tree chart, DNA swabs and urine samples of the captured terrorist, as proof. Zardari says “Proof will not hold in Pakistan’s court of law”. Pakistan’s ISI demands a joint investigation team to probe the attack so that “we can learn about the loop holes and fix them to ensure no evidences are left behind the next time” says an anonymous ISI source.
In the meantime, Arundhati Roy accuses the Indian government of masterminding the whole attack. She refuses to elaborate saying “I need to skip a couple more doses of my medication before I can come up with a theory”
Prediction 2:
The stock market may go down further or if macro economic conditions change, it may go up from here. Impressed with the depth of analysis, CNBC signs me up for their expert panel. However, the economy continues to flounder in spite of repeated reassurances by the finance minister. People rush to withdraw money from their bank accounts while many others rush to the dictionary to find out what ‘flounder’ means.
Prediction 3:
Obama finishes his first year as President. He easily surpasses the standards set by his predecessor. All he had to do was not fall off bicycles and pronounce ‘nuclear’ correctly. And of course, not bomb random countries.
In other world events, inflation in Zimbabwe reaches numbers that haven’t even been invented. Robert Mugabe scraps the currency concept and orders that all trade be conducted through barter system. A goat will cost four chickens, a bag of rice will cost a pound of ham while any opposition to the moron running the country will cost your life.
After years of hostility and intense hatred for each other, Israel and Palestine decide to make peace and finally bury the hatchet. Unfortunately it is soon discovered that they buried the hatchet into each other’s backs.
The fruitcake president of Iran again goes into his denial mode and denies the existence of homosexuals in Iran, denies the occurrence of holocaust and going further, he denies all words beginning with ‘H’.
And finally, as a precaution, the French surrender. “Surrendering during war is reactive, surrendering during peace requires great foresight” claims the French president.
Ok, so that is my list of predictions for 2009. Do you have any ?
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