Picture this, you are hanging off the edge of a plane, 15000 feet lie between you and the ground below, 15000 feet to where normal people live. And you ask yourself “Why in the name of God am I doing this ?”. Well, too late because you should have thought of that before you signed up for the sky dive.
Sky diving was not really on my to-do list in this month long trip to the US. But AJB, my fellow team mate convinced me to do this. Also this blog desperately needed an update, And so my dear readers..reader..well, whoever that accidentally stopped by on this page, I decided to sign up for the sky dive for you, even though it does not come cheap (may be the one without a parachute does but I suspect it is not as popular). The jump was scheduled the last weekend but did not happen because of cloud and fog. So we went back again today. It was a tandem jump. The jumpmaster who I would be hitched to helped me with the harness and gave a quick crash course (pardon the pun) on the do’s and don’ts. And then we boarded the plane with the others.
15000 feet in the air, I was looking down into emptiness, hanging out of the edge of the plane and suddenly I find myself being thrown into space. The first few seconds are a blur, I feel this blast of air on my face and then I realize I am in a free fall, shooting down at more than 100 miles an hour. The wind continues to blow up my face without relent, so hard that I forget to breathe for a moment or two.
I look around, the scene around me is beautiful, I see the outline of Monterey bay and the clear blue ocean. The jumpmaster asks me to put my hands out, I do and it feels like I am flying. The photographer, who jumped a moment before we did, is busy shooting the video of the jump. I manage to signal a thumbs-up sign to the camera. We are still hurtling down like there is no tomorrow and suddenly I am pulled upwards abruptly. The jumpmaster just deployed the chute. We had covered 10000 feet in about 70 seconds. The descent then on was slow and steady, relatively speaking. It gave me more time to take in what had just happened and also to enjoy the view around. Four minutes later, I am back on Terra Firma.
And I figured out why I did this...because it is an adrenaline rush that blows your mind away. So to sum it up... WOW !!
Friday night, my colleague here took me to my first Ice hockey game. I enjoyed it immensely especially the part when fights would erupt between the players and they go raining blows on each other. And yes, San Jose Sharks, the home team that my colleague (and hence me too) was cheering for, won beating Anaheim ducks 6-0. Ducks Suck...Go sharks !!
But as memorable as the match may have been, skydiving was an experience so incredible that it dwarfs everything else for now.
Like the T-shirt at the skydiving centre said - “Sky is not the limit, the ground is”.
So just shut up and jump...and don’t soil your pants...
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Monday, July 20, 2009
Anti Poaching Campaign (Contd)
This is a quick update post. As last time, the past weekend too (18th, 19th), we covered a bunch of villages. This time we saw a banana plantation field that was completely ravaged by elephants. The villager to whom the field belonged was understandably agitated and asked if we could do something about elephant raids. It is difficult to talk about conservation when livelihoods are at stake.
Elephant prevention trenches (EPT), electric fencing and other techniques have been used but none of them seem to deter these big creatures for long and they always seem to find a way out. The villagers have seen some pretty amazing things that these elephants do to bypass the system. They fill up the trenches and cross over. Of course, the villagers too go half way in filling up the trenches, since they want to get their cattle across into the forest for grazing (they deny it though, but we can make out a human hand when we see the filled EPTs).
Among other things that the elephants do to bypass the electric fence, they sometimes get a log of wood, place it on the wire, flatten it and then walk across. Other times, the villagers say, that the elephants take a few steps back and then simply rush into the fence and cut across. Very intelligent creatures, these !!.
A week ago, I read an interview of an elephant expert in Africa where he mentions similar techniques used by African elephants. It is simply astounding how smart these creatures are.
Elephant Whisperer
Elephants and crop raiding is a different problem which hopefully we will work on later.
But the best part of last week's trip was that the forest department had found two abandoned leopard cubs a month ago when they were a week old. The range forest officer is taking care of them now. I got to spend some time with these cute little bundles. The tragedy however is that these cubs would probably spend the rest of their life in a zoo.
To sum up, the weekend was a memorable one. Though I am still waiting to see cubs in the wild with their mom. Hopefully one day...
Elephant prevention trenches (EPT), electric fencing and other techniques have been used but none of them seem to deter these big creatures for long and they always seem to find a way out. The villagers have seen some pretty amazing things that these elephants do to bypass the system. They fill up the trenches and cross over. Of course, the villagers too go half way in filling up the trenches, since they want to get their cattle across into the forest for grazing (they deny it though, but we can make out a human hand when we see the filled EPTs).
Among other things that the elephants do to bypass the electric fence, they sometimes get a log of wood, place it on the wire, flatten it and then walk across. Other times, the villagers say, that the elephants take a few steps back and then simply rush into the fence and cut across. Very intelligent creatures, these !!.
A week ago, I read an interview of an elephant expert in Africa where he mentions similar techniques used by African elephants. It is simply astounding how smart these creatures are.
Elephant Whisperer
Elephants and crop raiding is a different problem which hopefully we will work on later.
But the best part of last week's trip was that the forest department had found two abandoned leopard cubs a month ago when they were a week old. The range forest officer is taking care of them now. I got to spend some time with these cute little bundles. The tragedy however is that these cubs would probably spend the rest of their life in a zoo.
To sum up, the weekend was a memorable one. Though I am still waiting to see cubs in the wild with their mom. Hopefully one day...
Monday, June 29, 2009
Towards Conservation
Few months ago, while surfing the net, I came across the web site of Wildlife Conservation Society of India and had sent across a mail to them inquiring about any opportunities for voluntary work.
After several weeks, I got a response asking me to participate in a meeting aimed at exploring the activities that needed volunteers. One of the activities that were identified was towards sensitizing villagers against poaching.
The last Saturday (27th June), about four of us led by two very committed volunteers headed to Nagarahole forest range with a bunch of posters. The idea was to cover the villages bordering the national park and stick these posters in places where the message would reach as many people as possible.
At Hunsur (a place about 50 kms from Nagarahole) we met up with a person who has been with WCS(I) for a long time and has worked for several years in this area. He suggested the villages that we could start our campaign from and also cautioned us about the sensitivity of the issue.
He told us that the at some places the villagers may be hostile to any kind of anti-poaching message and also asked us to stay away from getting into discussions or arguments with the villagers. He also asked us skip a few villages on this trip since apparently there was a raid on the house of a villager on charges of poaching and he felt that in that village and the surroundings, there would be an antipathy towards the forest department and any conservation campaigns. So we decided to just stay away from those.
Since this was the first time for many of us in the group, we had decided to just cover a few villages. We started off at around 10.00am but nailing posters was not as easy as we thought it would be. We had to identify the right places; typically we chose schools, public utility buildings (like the local village panchayat office, the government medical center etc).
In most of the places, the villagers were pretty receptive and were curious to know about what we were doing. There were some who would complain about how elephants destroyed their crops and how meager, a compensation they get for it. But like we were advised, we did not get into any discussions and merely kept iterating that our campaign was about anti poaching and requested their support to end this menace.
We could complete about six villages before it was time to get back to Bangalore. We hope to continue with this effort in the coming months and cover many more villages that border the park. We also hope to screen documentaries at schools and thus spread awareness among both the children and adults on the damage caused due to poaching.
All in all, it was a learning experience for me. Having been city bred all my life, it was a welcome change to be able to get away from the city and spend time in helping out where I could in the area of conservation, however minuscule it may be.
Looking forward to doing my bit...
[Update 8-Jul-09: Over the weekend (4th, 5th), we covered 20 more villages. I am happy say that the effort is bearing fruit. Here is a message from one of the volunteers who is in touch with WCS..
Our ongoing activity is already paying back,
There have been three encounters in the areas where we have conducted these camps.
The informers have given us credible tip off about poachers which then passed on to FD has resulted in these encounter where three poachers have been injured.
In two cases the injured poachers have been arrested, and in one the injured poacher has fled.
Good news to all conservationists
]
After several weeks, I got a response asking me to participate in a meeting aimed at exploring the activities that needed volunteers. One of the activities that were identified was towards sensitizing villagers against poaching.
The last Saturday (27th June), about four of us led by two very committed volunteers headed to Nagarahole forest range with a bunch of posters. The idea was to cover the villages bordering the national park and stick these posters in places where the message would reach as many people as possible.
At Hunsur (a place about 50 kms from Nagarahole) we met up with a person who has been with WCS(I) for a long time and has worked for several years in this area. He suggested the villages that we could start our campaign from and also cautioned us about the sensitivity of the issue.
He told us that the at some places the villagers may be hostile to any kind of anti-poaching message and also asked us to stay away from getting into discussions or arguments with the villagers. He also asked us skip a few villages on this trip since apparently there was a raid on the house of a villager on charges of poaching and he felt that in that village and the surroundings, there would be an antipathy towards the forest department and any conservation campaigns. So we decided to just stay away from those.
Since this was the first time for many of us in the group, we had decided to just cover a few villages. We started off at around 10.00am but nailing posters was not as easy as we thought it would be. We had to identify the right places; typically we chose schools, public utility buildings (like the local village panchayat office, the government medical center etc).
In most of the places, the villagers were pretty receptive and were curious to know about what we were doing. There were some who would complain about how elephants destroyed their crops and how meager, a compensation they get for it. But like we were advised, we did not get into any discussions and merely kept iterating that our campaign was about anti poaching and requested their support to end this menace.
We could complete about six villages before it was time to get back to Bangalore. We hope to continue with this effort in the coming months and cover many more villages that border the park. We also hope to screen documentaries at schools and thus spread awareness among both the children and adults on the damage caused due to poaching.
All in all, it was a learning experience for me. Having been city bred all my life, it was a welcome change to be able to get away from the city and spend time in helping out where I could in the area of conservation, however minuscule it may be.
Looking forward to doing my bit...
[Update 8-Jul-09: Over the weekend (4th, 5th), we covered 20 more villages. I am happy say that the effort is bearing fruit. Here is a message from one of the volunteers who is in touch with WCS..
Our ongoing activity is already paying back,
There have been three encounters in the areas where we have conducted these camps.
The informers have given us credible tip off about poachers which then passed on to FD has resulted in these encounter where three poachers have been injured.
In two cases the injured poachers have been arrested, and in one the injured poacher has fled.
Good news to all conservationists
]
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Cobwebs of the mind
It has been more than two months now since I blogged anything. So this is more of “Hey I am still alive, if you care to know” kinda post. So what have I been up to the last couple of months ?...nothing much apart from pretending to work that is.
The humor part of me has either taken a hiatus or taken leave for good. No news excites me these days. There was plenty to parody about, the Indian elections for one thing. But I simply could not get to write anything about it. Or for that matter, I haven’t been doing anything else either, it has been a monotony that begs a break.
Sometimes I wonder if the cobwebs of the mind are becoming too strong to let the thoughts through. Any new thought that dares to seek redemption through the strokes of the keyboard seem to die a suffocating death in the maze of these cobwebs that is getting dense everyday.
Cynicism, anger, sarcasm, despondency all seem to take turns in weaving their strands around any thought that germinates and they relent not till the thought meets its demise as a fleeting memory of what could have been.
What could have been and what is !!, two simple states that the mind flits across ever so often in an effort at reconciling the difference that separates them - through fantasies, through imagination, through hope. And finally assimilate the irreconcilable into the individual’s weltanschauung. Every lost thought, each futile action, each latent intent moulds the mind ever so slightly and tugs it towards acceptance - the acceptance of immutable fatalism.
Where fatalism exists, there lurks fear. The fear of inevitability that crushes emotions less strong and all that remains is cynicism, anger, sarcasm, despondency as they go about weaving ever stronger webs in the mind.
What started off as an update post is turning out to be an indecipherable philosophical rant that, frankly, I am not too sure I understand myself.
Simply put, I am just hoping this phase is going to pass
The humor part of me has either taken a hiatus or taken leave for good. No news excites me these days. There was plenty to parody about, the Indian elections for one thing. But I simply could not get to write anything about it. Or for that matter, I haven’t been doing anything else either, it has been a monotony that begs a break.
Sometimes I wonder if the cobwebs of the mind are becoming too strong to let the thoughts through. Any new thought that dares to seek redemption through the strokes of the keyboard seem to die a suffocating death in the maze of these cobwebs that is getting dense everyday.
Cynicism, anger, sarcasm, despondency all seem to take turns in weaving their strands around any thought that germinates and they relent not till the thought meets its demise as a fleeting memory of what could have been.
What could have been and what is !!, two simple states that the mind flits across ever so often in an effort at reconciling the difference that separates them - through fantasies, through imagination, through hope. And finally assimilate the irreconcilable into the individual’s weltanschauung. Every lost thought, each futile action, each latent intent moulds the mind ever so slightly and tugs it towards acceptance - the acceptance of immutable fatalism.
Where fatalism exists, there lurks fear. The fear of inevitability that crushes emotions less strong and all that remains is cynicism, anger, sarcasm, despondency as they go about weaving ever stronger webs in the mind.
What started off as an update post is turning out to be an indecipherable philosophical rant that, frankly, I am not too sure I understand myself.
Simply put, I am just hoping this phase is going to pass
Monday, March 23, 2009
'Back' in Business
The last two weeks I have been laid low by a persistent pain in the back. No, no, I am not talking about quality processes at work. It was really a physical back pain which kind of sneaked up on me.
I think it was a muscle pull or a really bad sprain that decided to hang around for a couple of weeks. Infact, on a few days it was so bad that I could not get out of bed. And, take it from me, it is just not pleasant lying on the bed the whole day not being able to move. The only position that one can be in is a straight line sleeping like Tutankhamen in his sarcophagus. It was like I had swallowed a lamp post.
I was on pain killers and gels that helped a bit but by far the best remedy for back related ailments, as I discovered, is to sleep on the floor. No mattress, no bedding, just plain old floor. A week of sleeping on the floor and looks like my back is almost as good as new and I hope it stays that way.
Anyway, the best part about the whole incident is that it gives me something to blog about this month which otherwise has turned out to be a pretty bland month so far.
I think it was a muscle pull or a really bad sprain that decided to hang around for a couple of weeks. Infact, on a few days it was so bad that I could not get out of bed. And, take it from me, it is just not pleasant lying on the bed the whole day not being able to move. The only position that one can be in is a straight line sleeping like Tutankhamen in his sarcophagus. It was like I had swallowed a lamp post.
I was on pain killers and gels that helped a bit but by far the best remedy for back related ailments, as I discovered, is to sleep on the floor. No mattress, no bedding, just plain old floor. A week of sleeping on the floor and looks like my back is almost as good as new and I hope it stays that way.
Anyway, the best part about the whole incident is that it gives me something to blog about this month which otherwise has turned out to be a pretty bland month so far.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Counting Bucks
So how many black bucks are there in Jayamangali nature reserve ?.
Ok, the question is not as profound as “Are we alone in the Universe” but it still is a pretty important question considering that black bucks are an endangered species. Once found abundantly all across India, now they are limited to only some parts, thanks to habitat destruction (and trigger-happy movie stars). The Wildlife Aware Nature Club (WANC), whose members call themselves WANCers, decided to find this out in concert with the forest department and had called for volunteers for a black buck census.
On reading about this, the first thought that crossed my mind was “Whoa !!, they should have chosen a better acronym”. I guess it is still better than other names they could have ended up with like, I don’t know, say “Fauna Upkeep and Conservation Club” and then the members would be called…never mind.
But puns aside, these folks are a really dedicated bunch of wildlife enthusiasts. They have worked for many years and it is due to their persistence and perseverance that this particular area has been designated as a conservation reserve by the government. Since I have always wanted take part in a wildlife census, I volunteered and the good people said yes.
There were quite a few volunteers from Bangalore and I hooked up with a couple of participants who had a SUV. It was just as well, since there was no way my small car could have even survived some of the road stretches. We reached there on Saturday evening. There were around eighty volunteers in all. The evening was spent learning the ropes of how a census was to be conducted.
Here is how I thought it would be, first you spot the black bucks, then you run to the deer, chase it if necessary and finally mark it with a number: one, two and so on. You remember the largest number you marked and then add it up with the rest of the group’s at the end of the day. I had been working on the running part of it in the gym anyway.
Thankfully, I was wrong. Here is how a wildlife census is done (there are other ways as well, this is the one we followed). The reserve is divided up along lines, not necessarily straight but in such a way that these lines are far from each other and cover as much area as possible. Each line is called a ‘transect’. The volunteers are then put into groups. In this case, the groups consisted of four volunteers with a forest guard. Each group begins walking from the start of the transect looking for black bucks on either side.
We were given a data sheet given having a bunch of columns which we had to fill up when bucks were sighted. The details include the time of spotting, number of bucks, how many males, females and fawns and whether they are moving to the left or the right of the transect and the approximate distance from you. The time and the movement info are used to identify possible double counting by adjacent transects thereby reducing error.
Our transect began at a village outside the conserve and ended at the base camp. Since our track consisted walking through shrubs and grasslands, we did not have a guard with us as it is pretty hard to get lost there. It was a small trek of about 4 kms. We started at around 7.30am and we were done by 9.30am. We spotted around 17 black bucks which included a herd of 8. The best part was we also spotted two Indian foxes. These are very shy creatures and pretty hard to find. Infact of the 21 groups that were in the census, we were the only ones to spot foxes.
During the census, you have to stay put to your transect so that you get as accurate a data as possible. So once we had finished the count and submitted our results, it was easier to explore since you don’t have to stick to the path. I and few others went around and spotting even more black bucks and a whole bunch of birds. This place has plenty of raptors (eagles, harriers, kestrels and so on), it is a treat to birdwatchers. After having walked around for a few more hours, we returned to the base at noon.
It was time for lunch and some customary thanksgiving speeches. We all got certificates to acknowledge our participation. It was 7 in the evening when I finally returned back to Bangalore. It would take a few days for the final results to come in before we know what the estimated number of black bucks is. When they do, I shall update this post with the result.
It was a great experience, I loved it and I plan to go back there again one of these weekends, just to get a better look at the bucks.
Because, you see, when it comes to black bucks, it is just too hard to pass the buck…
[Update: I just received the results of the census. Here are the numbers
Black Male 73
Brown Male 56
Adult Female 280
Fawn 45
Unidentified 4
Total 454
There has been a decline in numbers since the last census in 2002]
Ok, the question is not as profound as “Are we alone in the Universe” but it still is a pretty important question considering that black bucks are an endangered species. Once found abundantly all across India, now they are limited to only some parts, thanks to habitat destruction (and trigger-happy movie stars). The Wildlife Aware Nature Club (WANC), whose members call themselves WANCers, decided to find this out in concert with the forest department and had called for volunteers for a black buck census.
On reading about this, the first thought that crossed my mind was “Whoa !!, they should have chosen a better acronym”. I guess it is still better than other names they could have ended up with like, I don’t know, say “Fauna Upkeep and Conservation Club” and then the members would be called…never mind.
But puns aside, these folks are a really dedicated bunch of wildlife enthusiasts. They have worked for many years and it is due to their persistence and perseverance that this particular area has been designated as a conservation reserve by the government. Since I have always wanted take part in a wildlife census, I volunteered and the good people said yes.
There were quite a few volunteers from Bangalore and I hooked up with a couple of participants who had a SUV. It was just as well, since there was no way my small car could have even survived some of the road stretches. We reached there on Saturday evening. There were around eighty volunteers in all. The evening was spent learning the ropes of how a census was to be conducted.
Here is how I thought it would be, first you spot the black bucks, then you run to the deer, chase it if necessary and finally mark it with a number: one, two and so on. You remember the largest number you marked and then add it up with the rest of the group’s at the end of the day. I had been working on the running part of it in the gym anyway.
Thankfully, I was wrong. Here is how a wildlife census is done (there are other ways as well, this is the one we followed). The reserve is divided up along lines, not necessarily straight but in such a way that these lines are far from each other and cover as much area as possible. Each line is called a ‘transect’. The volunteers are then put into groups. In this case, the groups consisted of four volunteers with a forest guard. Each group begins walking from the start of the transect looking for black bucks on either side.
We were given a data sheet given having a bunch of columns which we had to fill up when bucks were sighted. The details include the time of spotting, number of bucks, how many males, females and fawns and whether they are moving to the left or the right of the transect and the approximate distance from you. The time and the movement info are used to identify possible double counting by adjacent transects thereby reducing error.
Our transect began at a village outside the conserve and ended at the base camp. Since our track consisted walking through shrubs and grasslands, we did not have a guard with us as it is pretty hard to get lost there. It was a small trek of about 4 kms. We started at around 7.30am and we were done by 9.30am. We spotted around 17 black bucks which included a herd of 8. The best part was we also spotted two Indian foxes. These are very shy creatures and pretty hard to find. Infact of the 21 groups that were in the census, we were the only ones to spot foxes.
During the census, you have to stay put to your transect so that you get as accurate a data as possible. So once we had finished the count and submitted our results, it was easier to explore since you don’t have to stick to the path. I and few others went around and spotting even more black bucks and a whole bunch of birds. This place has plenty of raptors (eagles, harriers, kestrels and so on), it is a treat to birdwatchers. After having walked around for a few more hours, we returned to the base at noon.
It was time for lunch and some customary thanksgiving speeches. We all got certificates to acknowledge our participation. It was 7 in the evening when I finally returned back to Bangalore. It would take a few days for the final results to come in before we know what the estimated number of black bucks is. When they do, I shall update this post with the result.
It was a great experience, I loved it and I plan to go back there again one of these weekends, just to get a better look at the bucks.
Because, you see, when it comes to black bucks, it is just too hard to pass the buck…
[Update: I just received the results of the census. Here are the numbers
Black Male 73
Brown Male 56
Adult Female 280
Fawn 45
Unidentified 4
Total 454
There has been a decline in numbers since the last census in 2002]
Thursday, February 12, 2009
A 'lovely' weekend ahead
So it is that time of the year where love is in the air because VD is just around the corner. Just to be clear, I am not referring to venereal disease but to Valentine’s Day, a day where couples reaffirm their love for each other by buying tacky gifts while others sulk, the others include the singles and the married.
But this year, we have a self styled moral police group called ‘The Army of Lord Rama’ (By the way, the legendary army of Rama actually comprised of monkeys. Apparently, the irony is lost on these douchebags) which is threatening to disrupt all celebrations. I think it is important to note that all such protests come from groups comprising only men. And more importantly, most of these men are too ugly to even have girlfriends. I think that’s the root of their frustrations.
Be that as it may, my pet theory is that Valentine’s Day is a creation of the card companies and gift shops. They have the biggest stake in the whole thing. Have you noticed how they keep telling you to gift the same bunch of presents for pretty much every occasion ?.
It’s Valentine’s ?.... Buy soft toys, chocolates and cards.
Colleague had a baby ?.... Buy soft toys, chocolates and cards.
Friend had a piles operation ?....Buy soft toys...well, I guess that should do.
I don’t mind the commerce driven celebration hype but my grouse is that it is always men who are urged to buy presents and it is never the other way around. How about having commercials which say something like this for a change...
“Women, make your man feel special this Valentine’s, gift him an Xbox 360 or the Swim Suit Edition of Sports Illustrated”
But nooo !! you never see ads like that. I agree that I am stereotyping men as Xbox freaks thinking about bikini clad women all the time. For the record, let me clarify that not all men are like that...some prefer Sony PlayStation.
Anyway, the important thing is to forget about who is going to buy what for whom but instead enjoy the spirit of the occasion.
And for all the singles out there, we can enjoy the spirit as well especially the ones that come in a six pack
But this year, we have a self styled moral police group called ‘The Army of Lord Rama’ (By the way, the legendary army of Rama actually comprised of monkeys. Apparently, the irony is lost on these douchebags) which is threatening to disrupt all celebrations. I think it is important to note that all such protests come from groups comprising only men. And more importantly, most of these men are too ugly to even have girlfriends. I think that’s the root of their frustrations.
Be that as it may, my pet theory is that Valentine’s Day is a creation of the card companies and gift shops. They have the biggest stake in the whole thing. Have you noticed how they keep telling you to gift the same bunch of presents for pretty much every occasion ?.
It’s Valentine’s ?.... Buy soft toys, chocolates and cards.
Colleague had a baby ?.... Buy soft toys, chocolates and cards.
Friend had a piles operation ?....Buy soft toys...well, I guess that should do.
I don’t mind the commerce driven celebration hype but my grouse is that it is always men who are urged to buy presents and it is never the other way around. How about having commercials which say something like this for a change...
“Women, make your man feel special this Valentine’s, gift him an Xbox 360 or the Swim Suit Edition of Sports Illustrated”
But nooo !! you never see ads like that. I agree that I am stereotyping men as Xbox freaks thinking about bikini clad women all the time. For the record, let me clarify that not all men are like that...some prefer Sony PlayStation.
Anyway, the important thing is to forget about who is going to buy what for whom but instead enjoy the spirit of the occasion.
And for all the singles out there, we can enjoy the spirit as well especially the ones that come in a six pack
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Hello !!
The past few weeks, the coffee table discussions have been hijacked by a couple of my gadget freak colleagues who have discovered newer ways of using their mobile phones. So now they can do pretty much everything they could on their laptops...compiling code, surfing the web, checking mail, in general wasting company time !!. And they have been trying to convince me into buying one of those cool phones that costs a fortune. I have been holding out for now.
It is easy for me to hold out. I am not exactly a gadget freak. Especially since these new phones really are monstrosities. I keep telling my friend that it’s a good thing that he is married because with a phone that looks like a walkie talkie from the sixties, it is hard to impress the ladies. I call these new age, high tech phones as the ‘chick repellents’ (pardon the sexist undertone, but you get the picture right ?). I am not really into any gadget where I would need to explain why in spite of its ugliness, it is still cool (As it is, I have hard job explaining that about myself).
And while we are on subject of cell phones, I might as well add that I am tired of these warnings about the health risks posed by these phones. “Cell phone radiation is bad for your health”, “Oh, don’t keep the phone in your shirt pocket, it will affect the heart”. Gee, really, is that even an advice you can give to a guy ?. What are men supposed to do, keep the phones in their trouser pockets instead ?. Well, let me tell you people, men would any day take chances with their heart, all right. So go easy on the health advisory.
Infact, even as I type this post, Steven Spielberg is busy making a movie on this very topic. That's right, the movie is called “Saving Ryan’s Privates” starring Tom Hanks as Ryan and Charlie Sheen as...well. And Bollywood is already making the Indian version of it in which Govinda will be seen playing both Ryan and...as himself. The climax is supposed to be thrilling with the hero being strapped around the waist with a belt of mobile phones and the bad guy threatening to call all the numbers at once. For a country of more than a billion people, that’s not a bad idea. This country needs more such belts.
Anyway, the point is I am satisfied with my 2500 rupee cell phone. I admit it does not have a fancy GPS receiver or VPN connectivity or the super cool 3D surround sound. But it does let me get even with people who have pissed me off especially those who keep their phones in their trouser pockets.
Hey, is that your phone ringing ?
It is easy for me to hold out. I am not exactly a gadget freak. Especially since these new phones really are monstrosities. I keep telling my friend that it’s a good thing that he is married because with a phone that looks like a walkie talkie from the sixties, it is hard to impress the ladies. I call these new age, high tech phones as the ‘chick repellents’ (pardon the sexist undertone, but you get the picture right ?). I am not really into any gadget where I would need to explain why in spite of its ugliness, it is still cool (As it is, I have hard job explaining that about myself).
And while we are on subject of cell phones, I might as well add that I am tired of these warnings about the health risks posed by these phones. “Cell phone radiation is bad for your health”, “Oh, don’t keep the phone in your shirt pocket, it will affect the heart”. Gee, really, is that even an advice you can give to a guy ?. What are men supposed to do, keep the phones in their trouser pockets instead ?. Well, let me tell you people, men would any day take chances with their heart, all right. So go easy on the health advisory.
Infact, even as I type this post, Steven Spielberg is busy making a movie on this very topic. That's right, the movie is called “Saving Ryan’s Privates” starring Tom Hanks as Ryan and Charlie Sheen as...well. And Bollywood is already making the Indian version of it in which Govinda will be seen playing both Ryan and...as himself. The climax is supposed to be thrilling with the hero being strapped around the waist with a belt of mobile phones and the bad guy threatening to call all the numbers at once. For a country of more than a billion people, that’s not a bad idea. This country needs more such belts.
Anyway, the point is I am satisfied with my 2500 rupee cell phone. I admit it does not have a fancy GPS receiver or VPN connectivity or the super cool 3D surround sound. But it does let me get even with people who have pissed me off especially those who keep their phones in their trouser pockets.
Hey, is that your phone ringing ?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Relatives for Rent
The Japanese are freaking goofy. They made robot dogs and cats and even robot humans. But this is just crazy
Rent a pet or...a relative
So now they have started renting out relatives !!.
How much dysfunctional does a society have to get before the people decide it is easier to rent friends and relatives than to actually make one. They already have an aging population, lonely young people and now this. I am betting the Japanese are going to un-breed themselves out of the human gene pool in a pretty short time. And my biggest concern is what would be the fate of Nikon, once they are all gone. Maybe the Chinese will take over but I don’t trust anything the Chinese make (they use too much vinegar). Ok, stop complaining about me being insensitive, my camera cost me a fortune, alright !!. And at least for my sake, the Japanese better get busy fixing their social life and start making more of themselves instead of indulging in this renting nonsense.
But I hate to admit, it does have its benefits. For example, this allows women a lot more choice.
“Hi, I need a partner, what do you have ?”
“All the boyfriends are taken, I have a couple of husbands, if you are interested”
“Hmm...how much for a cat ?”
Coming to think of it, I should try and use this business model on myself. I already am a friend to a bunch of thankless nerds. I might as well start charging them for it.
But in the meantime, can I have a sister-in-law to go. Preferably someone who can fix a Nikon...
Rent a pet or...a relative
So now they have started renting out relatives !!.
How much dysfunctional does a society have to get before the people decide it is easier to rent friends and relatives than to actually make one. They already have an aging population, lonely young people and now this. I am betting the Japanese are going to un-breed themselves out of the human gene pool in a pretty short time. And my biggest concern is what would be the fate of Nikon, once they are all gone. Maybe the Chinese will take over but I don’t trust anything the Chinese make (they use too much vinegar). Ok, stop complaining about me being insensitive, my camera cost me a fortune, alright !!. And at least for my sake, the Japanese better get busy fixing their social life and start making more of themselves instead of indulging in this renting nonsense.
But I hate to admit, it does have its benefits. For example, this allows women a lot more choice.
“Hi, I need a partner, what do you have ?”
“All the boyfriends are taken, I have a couple of husbands, if you are interested”
“Hmm...how much for a cat ?”
Coming to think of it, I should try and use this business model on myself. I already am a friend to a bunch of thankless nerds. I might as well start charging them for it.
But in the meantime, can I have a sister-in-law to go. Preferably someone who can fix a Nikon...
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Year 2009
The year 2009 has set in. And I have decided to look into the future and predict the events that shall unfold in the year ahead. Here are my predictions.
Prediction 1:
India ups the ante against Pakistan, the official stand being raised from “Grrr” to “Bow wow”. Pakistan continues to deny any involvement in the Mumbai terror attacks even as the Indian government provides the family tree chart, DNA swabs and urine samples of the captured terrorist, as proof. Zardari says “Proof will not hold in Pakistan’s court of law”. Pakistan’s ISI demands a joint investigation team to probe the attack so that “we can learn about the loop holes and fix them to ensure no evidences are left behind the next time” says an anonymous ISI source.
In the meantime, Arundhati Roy accuses the Indian government of masterminding the whole attack. She refuses to elaborate saying “I need to skip a couple more doses of my medication before I can come up with a theory”
Prediction 2:
The stock market may go down further or if macro economic conditions change, it may go up from here. Impressed with the depth of analysis, CNBC signs me up for their expert panel. However, the economy continues to flounder in spite of repeated reassurances by the finance minister. People rush to withdraw money from their bank accounts while many others rush to the dictionary to find out what ‘flounder’ means.
Prediction 3:
Obama finishes his first year as President. He easily surpasses the standards set by his predecessor. All he had to do was not fall off bicycles and pronounce ‘nuclear’ correctly. And of course, not bomb random countries.
In other world events, inflation in Zimbabwe reaches numbers that haven’t even been invented. Robert Mugabe scraps the currency concept and orders that all trade be conducted through barter system. A goat will cost four chickens, a bag of rice will cost a pound of ham while any opposition to the moron running the country will cost your life.
After years of hostility and intense hatred for each other, Israel and Palestine decide to make peace and finally bury the hatchet. Unfortunately it is soon discovered that they buried the hatchet into each other’s backs.
The fruitcake president of Iran again goes into his denial mode and denies the existence of homosexuals in Iran, denies the occurrence of holocaust and going further, he denies all words beginning with ‘H’.
And finally, as a precaution, the French surrender. “Surrendering during war is reactive, surrendering during peace requires great foresight” claims the French president.
Ok, so that is my list of predictions for 2009. Do you have any ?
Prediction 1:
India ups the ante against Pakistan, the official stand being raised from “Grrr” to “Bow wow”. Pakistan continues to deny any involvement in the Mumbai terror attacks even as the Indian government provides the family tree chart, DNA swabs and urine samples of the captured terrorist, as proof. Zardari says “Proof will not hold in Pakistan’s court of law”. Pakistan’s ISI demands a joint investigation team to probe the attack so that “we can learn about the loop holes and fix them to ensure no evidences are left behind the next time” says an anonymous ISI source.
In the meantime, Arundhati Roy accuses the Indian government of masterminding the whole attack. She refuses to elaborate saying “I need to skip a couple more doses of my medication before I can come up with a theory”
Prediction 2:
The stock market may go down further or if macro economic conditions change, it may go up from here. Impressed with the depth of analysis, CNBC signs me up for their expert panel. However, the economy continues to flounder in spite of repeated reassurances by the finance minister. People rush to withdraw money from their bank accounts while many others rush to the dictionary to find out what ‘flounder’ means.
Prediction 3:
Obama finishes his first year as President. He easily surpasses the standards set by his predecessor. All he had to do was not fall off bicycles and pronounce ‘nuclear’ correctly. And of course, not bomb random countries.
In other world events, inflation in Zimbabwe reaches numbers that haven’t even been invented. Robert Mugabe scraps the currency concept and orders that all trade be conducted through barter system. A goat will cost four chickens, a bag of rice will cost a pound of ham while any opposition to the moron running the country will cost your life.
After years of hostility and intense hatred for each other, Israel and Palestine decide to make peace and finally bury the hatchet. Unfortunately it is soon discovered that they buried the hatchet into each other’s backs.
The fruitcake president of Iran again goes into his denial mode and denies the existence of homosexuals in Iran, denies the occurrence of holocaust and going further, he denies all words beginning with ‘H’.
And finally, as a precaution, the French surrender. “Surrendering during war is reactive, surrendering during peace requires great foresight” claims the French president.
Ok, so that is my list of predictions for 2009. Do you have any ?
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