Parody is always fun

Sherlock Holmes looked at Watson; he had that glow on his face that suggested that he had figured out the answer to Watson’s challenge. Watson had got married for the second time and he had placed a bunch of photographs in front of Holmes defying Holmes to identify the person he had married.

Holmes ruffled through the photos and finally picked one and handed it over to Watson.

“There you go, she is the one” he said

“My God, Holmes, that’s amazing !!…how did you even figure it out” Watson exclaimed.

“Elementary my dear Watson, when you have eliminated all possibilities then whatever remains, however ugly…..must be your wife”

Watson whacked Holmes with the nearest table stand.

“For a guy who is no Tom Cruise, you have the nerve to say what you did” Watson said angrily

“Who the hell is Tom Cruise ??. This is 1902. He won’t even be born for another sixty years. What are you talking about”

“Oops, my bad. But still, you have no business making derogatory comments about my wife when you yourself look like a cross between a lamp post and a fish hook”

Their fight was interrupted by Mrs. Hudson “Sir, there is a young lady who wishes to consult you immediately. She says it is a matter of grave concern”

“Please show her into the living room Mrs. Hudson but before you go, could you get Watson off my neck ?”

Watson relented and loosened his grip on Holmes.

“Well, I am sorry if I offended you John, but pray stay with me. I may require your assistance on this case. Let’s go see what the lady has to say”

Both of them walked into the living room to find an elegantly dressed young woman in the way that young women would dress in 1902, whatever that means. She seemed to be in her mid twenties and had a frightened look on her face. She rose to her feet on seeing the two men enter the room.

“Hello Mr. Holmes, my name is Victoria Brown. And since this blog writer has no clue about London or England, I can’t tell you where I live”

“Fair enough. I see you are in discomfort as you walk towards us. My powers of deduction tell me that you had a nasty sprain in your ankle possibly when playing a sport and I would guess tennis “ Holmes said confidently. He noticed the admiring look on Watson’s face, a look that he always enjoyed seeing.

“Well not really, I stepped on dog poop on the pavement on my way in.”

“Aha !!, precisely…the foul smell tells me it must be the damn poodle next door. ” said Holmes trying to save face.

“I believe that’s just you Holmes” Watson leaned forward and whispered softly “You really should change your socks more often you know”

“And maybe you should get a stronger mouthwash” Holmes snapped back.

He then turned to the young woman
“So what is that you wish to see me about Ms. Brown ?”

“Well, Mr. Holmes, I have this strange problem. I moved into my new house last week. And every few hours I hear this extremely shrill noise. I have tried to figure out what it is but haven’t been able to do so. I have never had a good night’s sleep since I moved in. I need your help Mr. Holmes”

“Most interesting. I would be glad to help” said Holmes as he began to contemplate on the mystery. After a few moments, he replied “I could donate a wad of cotton to stuff into your ears, Ms. Brown”

“I think she means that she would like you to investigate the source of the sound, Holmes” Watson said

“But of course. Tell me Ms. Brown, does this noise occur at the around the same hours everyday”

“Yes”

“And can you please describe the neighborhood”

“It is quite a busy neighborhood Mr. Holmes. There is a market right across the street, a library at one end and a church at the other and there is also a railway station a few blocks away”

“That’s it !!, mystery solved. What you have been hearing are train whistles Ms. Brown. It looks like you are amazingly dumb. And that will be 50 pounds, thank you”

After the woman had left, Watson turned to Holmes and said “This is the crappiest case that I have ever been a part of”

“Maybe but it takes care of this month’s rent. Well, anyway come on Watson, let’s go to the pub down the street. I will buy you beer”

“Thanks Holmes”

“Get the photograph of your wife as well. I will take another look after I am drunk. Hopefully, she will look better then” said Holmes.

Watson reached out to grab the golf stick lying in the corner. But Holmes was already out of the door….


[Post Script: Due apologies to Arthur Conan Doyle and to all Sherlock Holmes fans, I am one too. Hey, it’s Monday, cut me some slack here…..]