Swimming to glory

This being the only blog in the blogosphere that has officially been authorized to bring you the inside secrets of the Olympics (all the rest have been banned access by China), it is my responsibility to keep you abreast of all the sensation happening behind the scenes.

My investigative journalism has led me to this starling discovery.

Michael Phelps is the love child of a sailor and a mermaid !!!.

Well, how else do you account for his incredible accomplishment at swimming, huh ??

The bigger question though is how does a sailor, or for that matter anybody, mate with a mermaid ?. The logistical difficulties are overwhelming. But that topic is beyond the scope of this blog

Coming back to Phelps, if you think my theory is far fetched, do you have a better one ?. Yeah yeah, you will probably come out with some incredibly dumb explanation about his stamina, skill and training also known as blah, blah and blah. But tell me, how can you explain the fact that he has webbed feet ?. Now you are probably shouting “Those are swim fins that swimmers wear. It is standard gear, you moron”. Exactly my point. See, nobody has seen Phelps’s feet and under those flippers are the webbed feet that came from his mother’s side. That’s my theory and I am sticking to it and if you have a problem with that then get your own blog.

But apart from that, it is still unbelievable that this guy won eight individual gold medals while we a billion people in India could only come up with one gold so far. It is shameful, I tell you, absolutely shameful.

Michael Phelps ought to be ashamed of himself, amassing all that gold when there are people out there in other parts of the world who struggle to even spell goald (I am sure he wastes a lot of food too)

We cannot be complacent about our Olympic performance anymore. We need to win more medals next time around and I have a surefire plan for that – India should adopt Michael Phelps. Pay him what it takes to get him to be an Indian citizen. It will probably cost a huge amount of money but we can make up for it by selling all the gold that he wins. If money does not work, we could try threats

"Hey Mike, you better play for India next time or else...."

"Or else what ?, try your third degree methods ? they don't scare me"

"Or else you will be abducted and made to watch Reese Witherspoon movies over and over again”

"Ok ok, where do I sign up ?"

Well, that’s my plan and I am sure it will work I hope you agree that this is the best shot we have at more medals at the Olympics.

Otherwise, we better start searching for mermaids...