Monsoon, the season when thick clouds envelope the sky and the cool breeze bring much needed relief from the heat of summer, the rains quench the thirst of the parched earth, the trees sprout back to life with new greenery, the birds chirp away in search of a mate and the drains overflow, the mosquitoes breed like crazy and then there is a cholera outbreak.
Well, excuse me for being an unromantic killjoy but if you went through what I did last Sunday, you would want to migrate to Sahara too.
A new movie featuring another new kid on the block who has not yet wiped off the chocolate sticking on his face, throw in a few young cousins who somehow have gotten into their heads that the purpose of life is to watch this movie and learn all the lyrics by heart and then there is me, the big brother with a car. I had no option but to take them out to the evening show on Sunday.
The movie began, the movie ended. That’s enough about the movie. We came out and it was the lovely monsoon in full flow. As I was driving back, there was one stretch of road where there was pretty heavy water logging so traffic was being diverted to another street. It was 10.30 in the night and there was total chaos with almost no movement in traffic. I was behind this city bus and the bus guy decided to drive right through the water laden main road and I foolishly decided to follow (after all how much water could there be, right ?). The moment my car entered the water, I realized that I was screwed. Before I knew it, the car was almost three feet in water. The water almost reached the door handles and began seeping into the car through the rear doors.
The exact thoughts that went on in my brain (which, I am convinced now, is still under construction) were
“Shit, shiiiiit, craaap...$*##***...damn”
The car was struggling to move and there was a real danger of water entering into the engine through the exhaust. I remembered a tip that a friend had given me during a casual conversation several months ago – “Never let go of the throttle when driving through water”. I literally stood on the accelerator pedal, the car inched forward. The bus driver for some reason decided to stop, forcing me to stop as well
“(more expletives)”
But even with the clutch pressed down, I kept the accelerator in full throttle, praying desperately to God and Spiderman (my two favorite imaginary superheroes) that the engine does not switch off. All the while grunting, yelling, pressing into the pedal and pushing the steering wheel. One of them must have heard me, since the car slowly inched towards dry land. I finally made it to the other side !!
This was the scariest fifty meters that I have ever traveled. Of course, my cousins in the back seat were thrilled about the whole incident (their words - “Wow, what an adventure. It was such fun”)
They did not realize how easily the situation could have gotten real worse. And, the only thing that saw us through was the tip from a friend and the superhero who answered my prayers.
Thanks Spidey!!!
Friday, July 25, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
Too good to 'Refuse'
Every time I think about all the idiots who are in power, running the world, I am on the brink of becoming a cynic but then something happens that pulls me right back. And this time, it is the following news that gladdened my heart
Californians want to name their San Francisco sewage plant after George Bush.
I really hope, for San Francisco’s sake, that this renaming happens. I can already think of a new slogan for the city – “Welcome to San Francisco. Having dysentery here was never this fun”
Not to mention, the sentence “George Bush is so full of shit” will no longer be a metaphor. Maybe over time, the name will actually be used in popular phrases
“I broke my arm in an accident”
“Well, Bush happens”
In fact, this is something that needs to be followed everywhere, especially in our country. All politicians must be rated on their performance depending on which they would be eligible to get a landmark named after them. Landmarks could be airports, highways, local streets, footpaths and sewage plants.
I can think of a bunch of people here whose names would be perfect for sewage plants. But the problem is we have too many lousy politicians and too few sewage plants.
As a solution, we would need to include public toilets in the list as well. This will encourage people to use them just so they can vent their frustrations on their politicians. Imagine what you would not give, to be able to pee on your favorite politico. In the process, our cities would get much cleaner too.
Coming back to San Francisco, one does wonder if the residents there would be happy about using George’s name for a sewage plant or be offended that THEIR sewage plant was being named after Bush. But you have to accept that whoever thought of this idea has a pretty...hmm..."fertile" imagination.
My advice is that all of you in California should vote for this idea and when you win, go out and eat as much junk as possible.
After all, you need to be ready for the grand opening....
Californians want to name their San Francisco sewage plant after George Bush.
I really hope, for San Francisco’s sake, that this renaming happens. I can already think of a new slogan for the city – “Welcome to San Francisco. Having dysentery here was never this fun”
Not to mention, the sentence “George Bush is so full of shit” will no longer be a metaphor. Maybe over time, the name will actually be used in popular phrases
“I broke my arm in an accident”
“Well, Bush happens”
In fact, this is something that needs to be followed everywhere, especially in our country. All politicians must be rated on their performance depending on which they would be eligible to get a landmark named after them. Landmarks could be airports, highways, local streets, footpaths and sewage plants.
I can think of a bunch of people here whose names would be perfect for sewage plants. But the problem is we have too many lousy politicians and too few sewage plants.
As a solution, we would need to include public toilets in the list as well. This will encourage people to use them just so they can vent their frustrations on their politicians. Imagine what you would not give, to be able to pee on your favorite politico. In the process, our cities would get much cleaner too.
Coming back to San Francisco, one does wonder if the residents there would be happy about using George’s name for a sewage plant or be offended that THEIR sewage plant was being named after Bush. But you have to accept that whoever thought of this idea has a pretty...hmm..."fertile" imagination.
My advice is that all of you in California should vote for this idea and when you win, go out and eat as much junk as possible.
After all, you need to be ready for the grand opening....
Monday, July 14, 2008
A warm weekend
This was a total bummer of a weekend. I stayed put at home the whole time, looks like age is catching up with me. How I miss those wild weekends during college when I would throw all caution to the wind and spend hours in the.....public library. Hmmm, now that I think about it, I guess I never was much of a people’s person. But that is material for another post.
Coming back to my weekend memoir, I caught up on a few movies that I have wanted to see for sometime now. Remember Al Gore (the guy who claimed that he invented the internet), I saw the documentary that he made called ‘An inconvenient truth’
Disappointingly it was not about Lewinsky and Clinton. It was about global warming. Like all men, the foremost thought that popped into my head was “Would this in anyway change the dressing habits of Rakhi Sawant ?”. Guys, unfortunately, the answer is ‘No’. Well, not without breaking the law. So that destroyed my hope of any silver lining that this cloud of global warming may have had.
The gist of the documentary was that the earth is getting warmer and warmer and Shilpa Shetty’s legs are not the cause for it. Apparently, it is caused by all the fossil fuel that we are burning up every day. Although that sounds pretty convincing, I believe the root cause of global warming is the Sun.
As a concerned global citizen, I could not let this happen to Earth, at least not until I get my room air conditioned. So after some intense brainstorming which lasted all of twenty two seconds, I came up with a pretty neat idea inspired by what Archimedes had said long ago - “Give me a place to stand and I will move the earth” (Apparently, he was trying to board a public bus).
Here is my idea, first we get a really long pole and push it all the way to Venus which we shall use as our support. And now we PUSH real hard, this should move us away from the sun a few thousand kilometers. Presto!! Problem solved.
But then again, this may not work. Firstly, because all that pushing would require a huge effort involving everyone on earth and I am busy till next Friday. Secondly, Archimedes is hardly a guy to be taken seriously. He ran out of his bathtub leaving his underwear behind, for crying out loud !!.
So looks like we would need to fall back on the traditional solutions that the movie talked about. Plant more trees, use car pooling and public transport, and walk as much as you can.
I do a little of the first two but the last one is what I do very regularly. It feels good to know that I am doing my part to fix the planet. I walk as much as I can.
Twenty minutes on the treadmill everyday should be good enough, don’t you think ?
Coming back to my weekend memoir, I caught up on a few movies that I have wanted to see for sometime now. Remember Al Gore (the guy who claimed that he invented the internet), I saw the documentary that he made called ‘An inconvenient truth’
Disappointingly it was not about Lewinsky and Clinton. It was about global warming. Like all men, the foremost thought that popped into my head was “Would this in anyway change the dressing habits of Rakhi Sawant ?”. Guys, unfortunately, the answer is ‘No’. Well, not without breaking the law. So that destroyed my hope of any silver lining that this cloud of global warming may have had.
The gist of the documentary was that the earth is getting warmer and warmer and Shilpa Shetty’s legs are not the cause for it. Apparently, it is caused by all the fossil fuel that we are burning up every day. Although that sounds pretty convincing, I believe the root cause of global warming is the Sun.
As a concerned global citizen, I could not let this happen to Earth, at least not until I get my room air conditioned. So after some intense brainstorming which lasted all of twenty two seconds, I came up with a pretty neat idea inspired by what Archimedes had said long ago - “Give me a place to stand and I will move the earth” (Apparently, he was trying to board a public bus).
Here is my idea, first we get a really long pole and push it all the way to Venus which we shall use as our support. And now we PUSH real hard, this should move us away from the sun a few thousand kilometers. Presto!! Problem solved.
But then again, this may not work. Firstly, because all that pushing would require a huge effort involving everyone on earth and I am busy till next Friday. Secondly, Archimedes is hardly a guy to be taken seriously. He ran out of his bathtub leaving his underwear behind, for crying out loud !!.
So looks like we would need to fall back on the traditional solutions that the movie talked about. Plant more trees, use car pooling and public transport, and walk as much as you can.
I do a little of the first two but the last one is what I do very regularly. It feels good to know that I am doing my part to fix the planet. I walk as much as I can.
Twenty minutes on the treadmill everyday should be good enough, don’t you think ?
Monday, July 7, 2008
Back in Bangalore
It feels great to be back after three weeks of being away. It was a wonderful feeling to step out of the plane after it landed in Bangalore. Well, not because I missed home or my people, the reason is a lot less appealing. Picture this; you are on an overnight flight for 18 hours which basically means you are stuck in a plane full of people who have not brushed their teeth for a whole day.
The person next to me seemed to be bent upon chatting with me. Come on, in a state like that, I would not even want to talk to Salma Hayek, anything else is fine but NO TALKING period. I did try giving him some subtle hints like pulling myself away from him every time he spoke or stuffing the pillow on my face and once I even offered him a chewing gum and a toilet brush...ha ha...of course, I am kidding, I did not really offer him the chewing gum. But the man refused to take any hints and merrily continued to talk and all I could do was time my breathing to synchronize with his pauses. I guess it could have been worse, it could have been a plane full of people with upset stomachs (hey think about it, three hundred people eating airplane food !!, with an arsenal like that, we can repulse any Martian attack on Earth). And unlike buses, you cannot even open a window and gasp for air, I would have given it a shot though
I am telling you, I was the happiest person on the plane when it landed.
However, the baggage handling at the new airport needs work. We had to wait for so long at the carousal to get our baggage that a few people actually had to shave twice by the time we got our bags (and one of them was a woman, yeah that’s how slow it was).
I did have the weekend to get up to date with the state of affairs here. The state government is still around which is good news...I think. India lost the cricket finals yesterday which means the boys are in fine touch as usual. And all the potholes on my street are still there (oh how I missed you all my little ones. I always say that potholes are like children, you can see them grow right before your eyes).
And Salma, I was only kidding. I would love to hear you talk, whatever be the time of day...just let me get a surgical mask….
The person next to me seemed to be bent upon chatting with me. Come on, in a state like that, I would not even want to talk to Salma Hayek, anything else is fine but NO TALKING period. I did try giving him some subtle hints like pulling myself away from him every time he spoke or stuffing the pillow on my face and once I even offered him a chewing gum and a toilet brush...ha ha...of course, I am kidding, I did not really offer him the chewing gum. But the man refused to take any hints and merrily continued to talk and all I could do was time my breathing to synchronize with his pauses. I guess it could have been worse, it could have been a plane full of people with upset stomachs (hey think about it, three hundred people eating airplane food !!, with an arsenal like that, we can repulse any Martian attack on Earth). And unlike buses, you cannot even open a window and gasp for air, I would have given it a shot though
I am telling you, I was the happiest person on the plane when it landed.
However, the baggage handling at the new airport needs work. We had to wait for so long at the carousal to get our baggage that a few people actually had to shave twice by the time we got our bags (and one of them was a woman, yeah that’s how slow it was).
I did have the weekend to get up to date with the state of affairs here. The state government is still around which is good news...I think. India lost the cricket finals yesterday which means the boys are in fine touch as usual. And all the potholes on my street are still there (oh how I missed you all my little ones. I always say that potholes are like children, you can see them grow right before your eyes).
And Salma, I was only kidding. I would love to hear you talk, whatever be the time of day...just let me get a surgical mask….
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
