Sometimes my readers (both imaginary and real but mostly imaginary) send across questions that they are desperately looking for an answer to. Their questions range across a wide array of topics from office problems, to personal issues, to Paris Hilton’s latest exploits. But since this blog post has been certified PG 13, I refuse to entertain any questions on Paris Hilton. So let’s get started with the other questions right away
Q: Hi, I frequently find myself in boring office meetings which I feel are as interesting as watching a Karan Johar movie in slow motion. So how do I get out of such meetings ?
A: As a productive member of the corporate world, this is a question that is of utmost importance to you. Every so often you would be forced to attend important corporate wide meetings where you find that you don’t really have a clue what they are talking about. Instead, you feel that this time can be more productively spent like, for example, reading this blog. Ok, here are a few simple tips to get out of boring meetings.
1. Never be the first to leave. It does not pay to draw attention to yourself. You would not want the head of the organization asking who the person who walked out was, do you ?
2. Don’t wait for the room to be half empty. If the meeting reaches a stage where there are more empty chairs than people, then you will find yourself in a situation where you will personally feel responsible for listening to the speaker till the very end. This is a point of no return. If you reach this place, then good luck.
3. A lot of scientific studies (conducted by people who write blogs) have concluded that the safest time to walk out of a meeting is after the first 5 percent of the people leave.
Q. Thanks for the tip, yesterday was my wife’s birthday so I had to go home early. I successfully used your technique to get out of a boring meeting. But apparently, it turns out that my wife’s birthday was last week. Do you have any suggestions on how to remember dates ?
A: I have seen many a problem due to men being such insensitive louts. Sorry my friend, I am bad at remembering dates too. But I have an idea to fix this. My solution is that first you pick a date, make sure it is one that you can remember, something like Jan 1st (a day when you will be sufficiently drunk to try a stunt like this). Now insist that your wife’s birthday, or for that matter anything else that you tend to forget, is on this day. She may try to deny it. But don’t take no for an answer. Use all your tact to convince her that you are right.
“Happy new year dear and happy birthday too”
“My birthday is in June, you jackass”
“That’s what you believe but I think I know better, I insist that your birthday is on the 1st of Jan. And while I am at it, happy marriage anniversary dear”
Q: Everyday I read about some new disaster in the newspapers. There is so much tragedy everywhere. There is only destruction and mayhem and possibilities of war....
A: Do you have a question in sight ?
Q. Well, how do I make money out of it ?
A: You sick capitalist pig....welcome to the club and buy some oil stocks.
Q. This is the wife of the husband who took your suggestion on dates. Do you know how to fix a broken nose ?
A: That’s a very good question. But unfortunately I am completely out of time as I have a meeting to attend.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
A twist in the tale
He was smitten by her the moment he laid his eyes on her. She was the most exquisite thing that he had ever seen. He was trying to get her attention but she would not look his way. Was she playing hard to get or was she really not interested in him ?, he conspicuously kept moving around her, hoping to catch her eye.
His efforts finally seemed to pay off as he saw her reciprocating his interest. She came over to where he was and thus started a relationship that he hoped would last for a lifetime.
The moments they spent together were pure bliss, he could not remember if he ever had been more happier than this and hoped she felt the same way. As time passed, the desire to start a family grew stronger in him and she acquiesced. And they brought forth to the world their wonderful little children. He was looking forward to both of them bringing up their little ones in the best way possible.
But alas, that was not to be. She had no intentions of wasting her time on bringing up her offsprings and so she vanished from his life without any warning. One moment she was there and the next moment she was gone. She had deserted him right after the conception and it was he who now had to deal with the complete responsibility of taking care of their kids. She had disappeared leaving behind a whole family and a broken heart.
Faced with the reality of being a single parent, he realized that this was life and this was the way it always was and will always be.
As he braced himself for a lonely struggle ahead, he could not help but think “Damn, it is tough being a male sea horse”
His efforts finally seemed to pay off as he saw her reciprocating his interest. She came over to where he was and thus started a relationship that he hoped would last for a lifetime.
The moments they spent together were pure bliss, he could not remember if he ever had been more happier than this and hoped she felt the same way. As time passed, the desire to start a family grew stronger in him and she acquiesced. And they brought forth to the world their wonderful little children. He was looking forward to both of them bringing up their little ones in the best way possible.
But alas, that was not to be. She had no intentions of wasting her time on bringing up her offsprings and so she vanished from his life without any warning. One moment she was there and the next moment she was gone. She had deserted him right after the conception and it was he who now had to deal with the complete responsibility of taking care of their kids. She had disappeared leaving behind a whole family and a broken heart.
Faced with the reality of being a single parent, he realized that this was life and this was the way it always was and will always be.
As he braced himself for a lonely struggle ahead, he could not help but think “Damn, it is tough being a male sea horse”
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
An year gone by
A year ago around this time, I made an indelible mark on the literary world, I spilled some coffee on a poetry book I had.
And in an unrelated incident, I started blogging as well.
So as I look back on the year that has gone by, I can proudly say that I have gone from being a ‘nobody’ to…well…‘Nobody’ (notice the capital ‘N’).
You being a reader of this blog are really special too. This blog is the literary equivalent of the ‘Giga Society’, the high IQ society which has the top 0.0000001% of the population. This translates to around 6 people which is approximately the number of readers that I have. So there!! You are part of a very elite and sophisticated set of people whose IQ levels are on par with Einstein’s (after he died).
I have to admit that blogging has allowed me to unleash my creativity which till now was limited to drawing on the dust on the windshield of my car, drawings that would remind you of the cave paintings by the Stone Age men. By the way, I assume men because, if you notice, the cave paintings were always on hunting. I imagine that the women were mostly yelling at their men asking them to get some real work done.
“Look honey, I drew a picture of me killing a woolly mammoth”
“So what ?, do you think ten thousand years hence anybody would give a damn !!. Why don’t you go out and hunt a squirrel instead”
But then I digress, the fact is these art works of mine were temporary since I invariably had to succumb to societal pressures and wash my car. So I decided to direct my creativity towards writing and thus began this blog which unlike my car does not need to be washed often.
I hope to continue blogging and bring to you deeply insightful views on the world around or totally useless nonsense, whichever is easier. And I also hope that as you continue to read these posts, the damage to your IQ will not be permanent.
Have a great year ahead you all…
And in an unrelated incident, I started blogging as well.
So as I look back on the year that has gone by, I can proudly say that I have gone from being a ‘nobody’ to…well…‘Nobody’ (notice the capital ‘N’).
You being a reader of this blog are really special too. This blog is the literary equivalent of the ‘Giga Society’, the high IQ society which has the top 0.0000001% of the population. This translates to around 6 people which is approximately the number of readers that I have. So there!! You are part of a very elite and sophisticated set of people whose IQ levels are on par with Einstein’s (after he died).
I have to admit that blogging has allowed me to unleash my creativity which till now was limited to drawing on the dust on the windshield of my car, drawings that would remind you of the cave paintings by the Stone Age men. By the way, I assume men because, if you notice, the cave paintings were always on hunting. I imagine that the women were mostly yelling at their men asking them to get some real work done.
“Look honey, I drew a picture of me killing a woolly mammoth”
“So what ?, do you think ten thousand years hence anybody would give a damn !!. Why don’t you go out and hunt a squirrel instead”
But then I digress, the fact is these art works of mine were temporary since I invariably had to succumb to societal pressures and wash my car. So I decided to direct my creativity towards writing and thus began this blog which unlike my car does not need to be washed often.
I hope to continue blogging and bring to you deeply insightful views on the world around or totally useless nonsense, whichever is easier. And I also hope that as you continue to read these posts, the damage to your IQ will not be permanent.
Have a great year ahead you all…
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