Discovering the talent within

George Bush can now rest in peace for the weapons of mass destruction have finally been found.

And I cooked them.

Now if you can please rub that grin off your face, I can proceed to tell you that in spite of what it sounds like, I am not such a bad cook. Hmmm....on second thoughts, get the grin back on.

Ok, let me narrate why such a state came to pass. I decided to try my hand at cooking this weekend to satisfy my urge to cook something really delicious and also because the nearest restaurant was closed.

My main expertise in the area of cooking is the ability to boil water on the stove. Apparently, that is not good enough for cooking connoisseurs. No, they always want something that is tasty and subtle, they and their arbitrary standards. So I thought, this time along with boiling the water, I would add some lentils and some spices and other things that is technically referred to as ‘stuff’ into it to make ‘Rasam’. Rasam is a South Indian dish that when cooked well is absolutely delicious and goes perfectly with rice. And when cooked badly, it can be used to kill rats.

So with great enthusiasm and self delusion, I went about making ‘Rasam’. The lentils went in first, the spices next, then some salt and tamarind, some cumin, some oil and lots of stupidity. As the concoction boiled, I began to pat myself on a job well done.

Finally, when it was done, put it on my plate with some rice and gingerly placed the food in my mouth.

Ok, why don’t we take a short commercial break at this point? We will be right back…

(Insert favourite commercial here)

Now that you are back, I don’t really have to explain how it turned out. Do I ?

If cooking is an art form, then my cooking is modern art. It gets people to ask themselves complex philosophical questions like “Should I flush this down the toilet or simply hide it under the sofa when nobody is looking”.

But I had to eat. Did I mention the restaurant was closed ?. So I braved on, added some more ‘stuff’ to it to make it more edible and managed to gulp down the food. In the process I learnt that ‘As you cook, so shall you eat’ makes for a good proverb.

But the fact is I did manage to finish up what I cooked and I confess it actually did taste well as I strove along. I guess my cooking is an acquired taste akin to drinking espresso or drinking wine or......eating soap.

So if you want to try my cooking, you are always welcome to my home.

But you have to sit on the floor with the plate because I am not letting you go anywhere near the sofa