The worst of them all

I love politicians. They make dung beetles look classy.

I say this in reference to what is happening in my State right now. But it does not matter if you are not aware of the local politics of this State, I am sure you have your bunch of politicos who compete just as hard to keep the beetles on top.

The hankering for power by politicians and the total lack of any principles serves one purpose, it helps me make jokes on them.

Q: What is the difference between a politician and a soiled diaper ?.
A: The diaper

Going by the total chaos that is prevalent in the State today, it seems best to have early elections. However an election is really an expensive way for people to decide who gets to loot them this time.

I propose a much simpler and more cost effective alternative. I would like to call it the Indian Roulette. This is same as its Russian counterpart except that the gun shall have 5 bullets and 1 empty chamber. I know what you are thinking “Well, there is still a 16.66 % chance that the last one shall come out of it alive”. Well, I appreciate your concern but we have to give them a fair chance. Look at it this way, the guy who survives is someone with a lot of luck. This is precisely what we need because when intelligence is not available, luck is all that counts. As we know, governance here works more on luck than on anything else.

Alternately, we could have a game of musical chairs. The catch is that the chairs would all be electric. The atmosphere sure would be all charged up. Tacky puns aside, you get the picture right ?

But like all my other great ideas, these too will not see the light of day and shall have to be relegated to this blog.

Anyway, it appears to be that time of the month when my sarcasm hormones are fully revved up. It is not my intention to hurt anybody's sentiments by this post.

I sincerely apologize to all dung beetles.

How to be environmentally friendly

At last, Russia now has a bomb that Greenpeace would be proud of.

Russia builds 'most powerful bomb'

The article mentions that the Russian deputy chief of military staff said that unlike a nuclear weapon, the bomb doesn't hurt the environment.

Oh, bless the Lord, that's such a relief. Because when I am lying on the ground with my limbs missing and a few hundred thousand corpses strewn around, I would finally feel happy that all of us died in the most environmentally friendly fashion.

I am not a die hard pacifist and I understand the need for defence but this is probably the most absurd of all statements. Yo, my Russian friend, be proud of the bomb and your accomplishment if you want to be but just SHUT UP about trying to put a spin on it.

As a vegetarian, I must ask if the bomb contains any animal products at all ?. If yes, could you make one that is more vegetarian friendly...!!

Madam President

Ok, now we have our first woman president. This is a powerful statement on women empowerment, let's all applaud this defining moment of our post-independence history and please stop nitpicking about how this means squat for the common woman on the street.

But then I digress, coming back to the presidency, the elections for the president is more of a display of political maneuvering by the ruling party than any honest attempt at finding the best person for the job. So invariably, the person most amenable to the ruling party gets elected as in the case of our new president.

When it comes to power, the post of the president of India has limited upside but a pretty ugly downside which can lead to unmitigated disaster. This was amply demonstrated by Fakruddin Ahmed directly responsible for the shame that was the emergency.

So I care a lot less whether the new president has the abilities to bring value to her presidency than I do about her not making a mockery of the president's role.

So Ms.Patil, I congratulate you on your achievement and while it may be difficult for you to get into the list of great presidents, all of us will hope that you will exercise enough intellect to stay away from the list that has Giani Zail Singh and Fakruddin Ali Ahmed.

In the order of priority, the constitution of India stands way above any party affiliations. Hope you shall keep that in mind the next five years....

Enjoy your stay at the Rashtrapati Bhavan...

Presidency

"I talk to dead people". No, this is not a line from a Shyamalan movie. But this is what possibly our future president is believed to have told (atleast the gist of it) in a public forum. I don't know much about Pratibha Patil but what I do know is that she will have to get a lot smarter at what comes out of her mouth if she has to pull off the presidency of India. She is being touted as the first woman president if and when she gets into Rashtrapathi Bhavan, though this is purely an outcome of political compromises between the coalition parties rather than a concerted effort towards finding a woman for the president's job.

Not withstanding the spate of allegations and the skeletons in the cupboard that have started spilling out, if she does get elected, the onus will be on her to decide what kind of president she wants to be. Does she want us to be proud of our first woman president or cringe in embarrassment ?. Ms.Patil, we hope you realize that whatever your personal beliefs might be on realm of the supernatural, it would still not behoove a president who represents the Union of India to be taking such flights of fancy in public.

Remember, your predecessor was a scientist of excellent repute. A man well liked by middle class India which saw in Dr.Kalam a brilliant,hardworking and committed fellow middle class Indian who achieved the highest office of the land.

Do you really want history to record that India's presidency moved from a rocket scientist to someone who thinks dead people speak to her ?. Please cleanup your act Ms.Patil and in the meantime get yourself some good speech writers...Good luck