Year 2009

The year 2009 has set in. And I have decided to look into the future and predict the events that shall unfold in the year ahead. Here are my predictions.

Prediction 1:

India ups the ante against Pakistan, the official stand being raised from “Grrr” to “Bow wow”. Pakistan continues to deny any involvement in the Mumbai terror attacks even as the Indian government provides the family tree chart, DNA swabs and urine samples of the captured terrorist, as proof. Zardari says “Proof will not hold in Pakistan’s court of law”. Pakistan’s ISI demands a joint investigation team to probe the attack so that “we can learn about the loop holes and fix them to ensure no evidences are left behind the next time” says an anonymous ISI source.

In the meantime, Arundhati Roy accuses the Indian government of masterminding the whole attack. She refuses to elaborate saying “I need to skip a couple more doses of my medication before I can come up with a theory”

Prediction 2:

The stock market may go down further or if macro economic conditions change, it may go up from here. Impressed with the depth of analysis, CNBC signs me up for their expert panel. However, the economy continues to flounder in spite of repeated reassurances by the finance minister. People rush to withdraw money from their bank accounts while many others rush to the dictionary to find out what ‘flounder’ means.


Prediction 3:

Obama finishes his first year as President. He easily surpasses the standards set by his predecessor. All he had to do was not fall off bicycles and pronounce ‘nuclear’ correctly. And of course, not bomb random countries.

In other world events, inflation in Zimbabwe reaches numbers that haven’t even been invented. Robert Mugabe scraps the currency concept and orders that all trade be conducted through barter system. A goat will cost four chickens, a bag of rice will cost a pound of ham while any opposition to the moron running the country will cost your life.

After years of hostility and intense hatred for each other, Israel and Palestine decide to make peace and finally bury the hatchet. Unfortunately it is soon discovered that they buried the hatchet into each other’s backs.

The fruitcake president of Iran again goes into his denial mode and denies the existence of homosexuals in Iran, denies the occurrence of holocaust and going further, he denies all words beginning with ‘H’.

And finally, as a precaution, the French surrender. “Surrendering during war is reactive, surrendering during peace requires great foresight” claims the French president.


Ok, so that is my list of predictions for 2009. Do you have any ?