The silver lining

“Oh, your hair is turning grey. I think you should get married now”

I am beginning to get this comment increasingly these days. I really don’t understand what the connection is!!. Ok, so I get married and my wife is somehow going to turn my hair black again ?. It’s as if women have these amazing remedies that they are going to tell you only after you marry them.

“Dear, now that I took the advice of people about my receding hairline and got married, tell me how to grow it all back ?”

“Sorry honey, I just know the secret to making your paunch vanish”

“Damn, I should have married your sister instead”

And do you know what’s worse than being single with graying hair ? - Being a single * Indian * with graying hair. Because in India, if you are single then it is a free pass for everyone to ask you about it without any hesitation. Marriage and money are the two most common questions that you have to deal with, the only criteria is that the other person must be older than you. I have been asked by total strangers on the bus about how much salary I make, whether I am married and why not. Unfortunately for me, none of these strangers were good looking, single or female.

The other big trouble is when you have to attend social events like your cousin’s wedding. Here everyone and their aunt (especially their aunt) would want to know when you are getting married. And this being the land of arranged marriages, each aunt knows this one girl who is ideal wife material (whatever that is). I usually tell them that I would not want to marry any girl who is willing to marry me (come on, that’s poor judgment right there and I am looking for someone smarter than that). But that does not deter the aunt one bit in her efforts to convince me and more often than not, I am on the look out for an escape route like the door, the fire escape, the kitchen sink...whatever. I just want to get away from there. These are some of the times when I desperately wish for a telemarketing call on my mobile.

“Hello Sir, this is Manjula calling from StanChart bank, would you be interested in our credit card ?”

“Thank you, thank you so much lady. Oh boy, Am I glad to hear your voice. You are a life saver. You are my guardian angel. I am so luc...”

“Umm...Sir, on second thoughts, I don’t think we want you to have our card and we won’t call you again” [click]

I wonder why I don’t get too many telemarketing calls these days. I suspect Manjula has probably told all her friends in other call centers about me. So that makes me the only person who has officially been blacklisted by all telemarketers. I can understand that but I do feel somewhat offended that even the male telemarketers have stopped calling and that is just plain mean on their part. After all, who knows I may need that credit card or that personal loan sometime, in case I do get married.

But until such time, I need a remedy....got dye, anyone ?