The way of the wise

Intelligence is a God given gift that not everyone is endowed with. And since you folks actually read this blog, it naturally follows that you must be atheists.

This post is not about the merits (logical and irrefutable) or the demerits (you will burn in hell) of being an atheist because that’s a whole different topic. Instead, today I shall talk about what differentiates a less gifted person from the intelligent ones (also known as - everyone else but you) and more importantly how to cover it up.

Intelligence is not about how much you know but it is about how well you can pretend to know. The so called great minds of computer science like Dennis Ritchie, James Gosling, Richard Stallman and others have just about as much intelligence as you and me but they have made themselves look a lot smarter. Their secret is, yes, you guessed it right…facial hair. Apparently, one of the basic criteria of presenting yourself as a genius is by not shaving.

“This works out fine but what should women do?” I hear you say. Good point but same answer. Heh, heh, women readers, I am just kidding, alright. Women don’t need such gimmicks to project their brilliance.

(Phew!!….that was close)

The second factor is that you need to pretend to be really good at Mathematics. For example, here is a mathematical way of finding out the time when somebody asks you. This is a really obscure equation that will help you calculate the exact time of day. The equation is



Where ‘x’ is the latitude of the place you are in, ‘y’ is the longitude and 'theta' is the angle made by your shadow and the 90 degree vertical. You then deduce the time from this. I am sure mathematicians will crib that the equation is a meaningless pile of crap. But we don’t have to give a hoot. Mathematicians can go divide themselves by zero, for all we care.

Of course for the equation to work, you would need to quickly take a peek at your watch when the other person is not looking.

Finally, make sure that you can come up with complex scientific explanations to simple queries. The idea is to intimidate ordinary people into believing that you are supremely gifted and they have brains the size of walnuts.

Friend: “The weather looks cloudy today, isn't it unusual for this time of the year ?”

You: “Oh yes, the cumulus cloud formation is directly due to the influence of a low pressure closed chaotic system generated by the pacific warm currents. The el nino effect is also a factor, not to mention adiabatic effects of troposphere under varying temperatures”

Friend: “You have no freaking clue, do you ?”

You: “Get out”

By using these three devious ways of presentation, you can effectively convince anyone that you deserve the next Nobel prize.

So when do I get mine ?